


Wishful Thinking

by SaltyNightmares



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Journalism, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Frenemies, Hate to Love, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Leia deserved better, M/M, Modern AU, Modern Era, Rating May Change, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Stormpilot, This kinda sucks, droids are dogs, in the past, it works, skysolo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5753221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyNightmares/pseuds/SaltyNightmares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey is a brilliant journalist who made herself known in the literary circles after publishing a long article on the life and accomplishements of fashion icon Padmè Amidala. Now her boss wants her to write a piece about her grandson, actor Kylo Ren, whose real name is Ben Solo. She has to follow him on his daily life for six months, to observe him and gather material. Rey isn’t all that thrilled at the idea: Ren’s reputation is that of an extremely cold and misanthropic person, and his fits of rage are well known. When their time is over, Rey and Ben - she refuses to call him Kylo - are much more close. Will Rey ignore their connection and exploit Ben’s issues and terrible relationship with his parents to write her article? If so, will Ben forgive her? More importantly, will she forgive herself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kylo who?

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt made by Elenlith, here's the link http://elenlith.tumblr.com/post/137455460261/rey-is-a-brilliant-journalist-who-made-herself
> 
> She has other really cute AU prompts, too. Hit me up if you want stories on those! Enjoy, everyone^^
> 
> any questions? https://wordsoffblankpages.tumblr.com/

_Resistance Entertainment Headquarters_

 

She could feel the agony of every increasing minute pass as she waited for the eventual entry of her boss. Rey, after the recent success over her article **_Padmé Amidala, A Journey into her Life_ ** detailing the iconic rise to fame and lasting legacy in the fashion industry, had received some well-earned downtime. However, business in **The Resistance Entertainment Inc.** never slowed down, meaning her boss, Chief Editor Poe Dameron, would be making his dramatic entrance any minute now.

She drummed her slender fingers against the glass tabletop of her desk, almost impatient that he hadn’t arrived yet. She had worked here **TRE** for almost four years now. She has written her fair share of articles, bad and good, and in all this time she had come to expect certain things from Dameron. That man had a flair for drama, claimed to have been _this_ close to being cast in a scorsese film, but dropped out because he felt he’d be able to write a far better screenplay. Rey scoffed at the thought, inwardly of course. Indeed he was her boss and she had to answer to him but he never treated her as inferior. In fact, he was one of the first to give a fair shot and see past her inexperience to find value in her content. Thinking back, she probably owes him for all the times he has had to save her hide and cover for her fits of passion when dealing with her work, she was not a fan of being assigned article topics. She was the one to suggest recanting Padmé’s career, which at the time was rejected by the magazine's CEO Leia Organa. Poe stood up for her and put his own career on the line stating, “If there is anyone who could turn pile of cow dump into news, it’s this girl, give this a shot, Leia.” Well, he was damn right, she thought to herself smirking. She polished up Amidala rocky career and complicated personal life to type her as a fashion icon, splashing waves through the top tier fashion circles.

At that moment the door to her little office opened rapidly, a scruffy man in his early thirties entered his arms held up and out, as if asking for a hug. “Rey, darling, it’s been forever!” he practically screamed and he rushed over to sitted Rey and pulled her into a quick, tight hug.

“I only took a week off,” she protested returning his friendly hug reluctantly. “You’d think with all the hype over the article, I’d have a bit more time for myself.”

“Honey, you know how this business works, the minute starlights like you stop working someone else scrambles for the spotlight.” He states smiling broadly as he leans on her desk. He crosses his arms and gets down to business, “Well, love I hope your time off was relaxing ‘cause this next one’s a doozy.”

Rey sighed and turned to face him, twisting her chair as it made a little poot sound, causing the older man to giggle. She narrowed her eyes asked, “So I’m being assigned an article now? What happened to being accomplished and having choices?”

“Rey, baby doll, it’s outta-my hands. This one’s from the big boss, Organa herself,” He spoke putting his hands up in defense as Rey responded by rolling her eyes. He continued, “She wants you to personally shadow and detail the life and accomplishments of Kylo Ren.”

“Kylo who?”

 

_First Order Productions_

 

“Just one more take Ren, then we’ll call it a wrap,” announced Director Hux, “Oh and this time please pretend to have a soul behind your smile.”

It took quite a bit of restraint on Kylo ren’s part to simply nod and get into character. He closed his eyes for the briefest moment and recanted his lines. The scene was rather simple, his character Benjamin West was meeting with his client and had to dispense some rather snarky legal advice. He straighten his sleeves and began to pace the movie set-turned-conference room. Since the actor playing his client could not be here for scheduling reasons, he would be acting out only his lines. He put both his hands behind his back and put on his mask. He recited his lines perfectly, correct emphasis and natural disposition. Even his forced smile seemed genuine and his boss, Director Hux had no complaints.  

“Alright and that’s a wrap,” Hux stated and strode off set as numerous employees rushed forth to put away props and tidy the room. Kylo ren jumped out of West’s body but didn’t stop acting. He quickly and quietly marched to his dressing room. As soon as the door closed behind him, he rushed to remove the suffocating tie. He had barely finished removing his cuff links when someone knocked on his door.

A light yet firm voice spoke, “Kylo Ren hope your decent because I’m coming in.” He rolled his eyes at his, figuratively obviously. In came his producer Phasma closely followed by his favorite person, Hux.

“Well Ladies, what do I owe this gracious visit,” Kylo quipped keeping his stoic mask plastered on.

“Cut the crap Ren. We have some news or well _she_ does,” Hux gestured at Phasma, who stood with perfect posture, almost dwarfing the both of them.

“As Director Hux has stated, I have some news for you Kylo Ren,” She informed. “A very acclaimed journalist Rey-,” She paused and looked down at her clipboard, “hmm no last name. Very well just Rey will be shadowing you-”

“What!” Ren practically shouted, “This is unprecedented. I never agreed to this-”

“No, you didn’t,” Hux interjected, “But our mutual boss, Executive Director Snoke has requested that get some more positive PR.”

Kylo Ren opened his mouth but then quickly closed it. He didn’t give a damn what Hux wanted of him but this came directly from the horse’s mouth. If Snoke has issued this, then he has no choice but to comply. Besides, Snoke’s guidance has gotten him this far, this must be for the greater good, he reasoned. “Fine, tell me the details,” He finally concided, crossing his arms to glare at both of them.

Unfazed, Phasma continued, “Well, she has been contracted to shadow you in and outside of work for a period of 6 months. This way she will have a better grasp at how to spin this article and you can, hopefully, build up a better PR with the public.”

Kylo clenched his arm tightly and retorted, “Some hotshot journalist will be following me around like some crazy stalker for six months, even when I’m not working.”

“Technically, as an actor you are always working. The public needs to receive you well if this show is going get any attention,” Phasma conjectured.

He sighed and simply stared at the both of them. Phasma stood, unmoving waiting for his response. Hux, as always, was just annoyed to even be there. He gave a quick nod that seemed to signal agreement. Hux was out the door by the time Ren had given his consent and Phasma began to do the same. “When is she coming?” He asked, his voice wavering slightly. “Tomorrow,” was all Phasma gave him as she shut the door to his dressing room behind her.


	2. It's Only Uphill From Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is a brilliant journalist who made herself known in the literary circles after publishing a long article on the life and accomplishements of fashion icon Padmè Amidala. Now her boss wants her to write a piece about her grandson, actor Kylo Ren, whose real name is Ben Solo. She has to follow him on his daily life for six months, to observe him and gather material. Rey isn’t all that thrilled at the idea: Ren’s reputation is that of an extremely cold and misanthropic person, and his fits of rage are well known. When their time is over, Rey and Ben - she refuses to call him Kylo - are much more close. Will Rey ignore their connection and exploit Ben’s issues and terrible relationship with his parents to write her article? If so, will Ben forgive her? More importantly, will she forgive herself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, part two of my obsession. So this one is long, hopefully all of the future chapters will be around this length. Let me know if you want them longer or shorter. This series is turning out to be more chapters than I'd originally planned. 
> 
> Enjoy^^
> 
> any questions? https://wordsoffblankpages.tumblr.com/

Rain pattered quickly and sombrely on the canopy, that covered Rey. She stood waiting patiently on the presently empty sidewalk, for her taxi. The original plan was to walk to her destination but a certain someone had qualms about the idea. So there she stayed outside **Jakku Towers** , her home these past four years. The Building wasn’t very impressive; it had only thirteen floors, with mostly small, characterless rooms. Rey had managed to land a decent sized suite with the help of an old friend. The rent alone would have put her without enough to eat. Thankfully, she found a roommate that eased her burdens. It was at the request of this roommate that she remained here instead of trudging through New York’s unforgiving rain. Rey sighed to herself and checked the time on her phone. Her taxi was supposed to be here about five minutes ago, if this keeps up she’ll be late.

Suddenly she feels a hand on her shoulder and a voice speaks, “Still here, kid?” A man in his late sixties wearing a leather jacket was beside her.

“Yeah, Mr. Solo. My taxi seems to be running a little,” She gives him a little smile. “You’re gonna walk Chewie in this rain?”

“I’m old, not crazy, Rey,” He states rolling his eyes. “Chewie was getting antsy in the apartment, thought I’d give him some air.”

The dog in question, as if replying to Solo’s comment, give a low pitched bark. He was aging tibetan mastiff mix (half Tibetan Mastiff, quarter German Shepherd, eighth Chocolate Lab, and 1/16th Lhasa Apso + Brussels Griffon.) As far as Rey knows they had been together as long as they lived in the apartment across from her, which coincidentally was a little longer than she did. Though he would never say it out loud, Han solo had taking a shining to the little underdog Rey. She could be quiet and cold but at same time she was strong and loyal to a fault. She reminded him of an old friend.

“Well, if you wait any longer you are definitely gonna be late,” he said giving Chewie a little pat on the head. “I haven’t driven the falcon in awhile, let me give you a lift,” he offered.

Rey looked side to side, pretending to consider the idea. “Sure, only if I get shotgun with Chewie,” She replied grinning.

Han rolled his eyes, “Alright then, come along.” She is just like him, he thought sadly, reminded of better days.

The Millennium Falcon or just Falcon as Rey referred to her was an old rat rod van. She was busted with scrapes and dents covering her body. Solo had tried fixing her up over the years but over no one had parts for the poor thing. He had managed to clean her up and give her a decent paint job. Her engine was surprisingly still intact. It was a miracle that at this point she still ran. According to the old man, she was family heirloom, passed down from one bad driver to his even worse son. Han pat her chasey  lovingly and proceeded to climb into the driver seat. Settled in, Rey hugged chewie as he yipped cheerfully. It took a few moments for the old girl to warm up and start. She sputtered and spoke, before finally evening out to a dull, gentle roar. Han revved her engines before racing out of the parking garage and out onto the streets.

The ride was actually but smooth. The falcon had been through a lot and unfortunately no amount of work could make the poor old thing run smoother. The cab shook uncontrollably, not so much that Rey’s head hit the ceiling but enough to cause a general feeling of giddiness in her stomach. Naturally the roar of the engine, prevented any real conservation and both driver and passenger were happy with this agreement. Rey took this time to review the research she had collected on her subject, the elusive Kylo Ren. Shifting chewie over closer to the car window, so he could poke his little head out, Rey shuffled her files around and began to review the few articles written about him. Han turned her head in her direction, curiously.

“Do you ever just take a break?” he asked jokingly.

Without looking up from her notes, she replied, “I gotta make a living and besides just got off a week long break.”

He laughed, “Not many people out there that are that dedicated.”

She left out a small smile. Not too accustomed to complement, Rey knew to cherish the few she did get, “Thanks, old man.”

“Just don’t let it get to your head, kid,” he snorted as the falcon pulled up to her destination. “Well, we are here.” he said as Rey begin to pack up her things into her bag, “You need a ride back?”

Rey gave Chewie a parting pat and replied, “Nope, they should have everything covered. Thank you again.”

“Don’t even mention it kid,” he spoke, giving her a parting smile as she closed the passenger door and watched him speed away.

Bags in hand, she turned to take in the building that would most likely be her home for the next six months. It stood erect, foreboding and imposing, the top floor converging into sharp points that grasped the sky. Feeling like an idiot for standing out here and just admiring the oddly pleasing symmetric geometry, Rey rushed in through automatic sliding doors. Similar to the outside, the interior reception area of the ground floor was cold, sleek and modern, complete with industrial steel beams across the ceiling. Rey walked up to the receptionist, the only person in the expansive room. She gave Rey an indifferent sweep and then continued about her business.

Rey gulped and confidently spoke, “Hi, I’m here on behalf of The Resistance--”

“What’s your name?” She harshly cuts Rey off, rapidly typing away at her computer.

“I’m Rey from--”

“Floor 26, Ms. Phasma should be receiving you, here is a key to the suite. It’s room 13 on that floor.” With that she handed Rey a key, pointed to the elevator and then returned to her work.

A Little unnerved but still determined, Rey proceeded to the elevator. It hummed as she began her ascent. She took this opportunity to finish her review of Kylo Ren’s career. From what she was able to gather, he is generally respected as an good actor and has earned his fame. He has acted in a great number of roles from a despicable villain in movies to the unlikely protagonists in a number of tv serials. Funny thing is that the media doesn’t really talk about him, at least not about his personal life unlike his co stars. there are plenty of rumours circulating the entertainment scene that he throws tantrums, destroys property, is cold, arrogant and overall misanthropic. His real name isn’t even known; Rey had only managed to weasel his first name from Phasma, Ben. Apart from this, she did manage to find an old interview from one of his first big breaks. The Kylo back then seemed different of how everyone else today described him. He was humble, respectful almost gentle; he spoke very passionately about his grandmother, none other than Padmé Amidala. She snorted and thought, Organa has a weird sense of humor. Maybe her extensive knowledge of Amidala will help get through to him. Maybe.

The elevator finally reaches the correct floor and the doors open just as Rey finishes putting away her notes. The door opens to a small waiting room with a couch and a few chairs that opens to a hallway with a couple sets of doors on either side. Rey’s eyes immediately find a seated Phasma before her. She stood up at the sight of Rey and extended a hand forward for a handshake. She stood almost a foot taller than Rey, even thought she was wearing flats and Rey had on her heeled boots. Phasma had short blonde hair that only accented her height and steel blue eyes.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Miss Rey.” She spoke with her silvery voice as they shook hands.

Rey had told her several times over the phone to just call her Rey, that it wasn’t a surname. But she’ll just have to roll with it, “Same here, you’re much taller than I’d imagined.

Phasma laughed in return, “So I’ve been told. I’ve sure you’ve been given a key to suite. I’ve personally  prepared the guest bedroom, though you will have share a bathroom.”

They began walking over to room 13, “Unfortunately Ren was called away to handle an early morning shoot. So he was unable to personally receive you.”

Rey was almost relieved to hear this, not that she was nervous or anything. This assignment was going to take some adjustment, “Yes, very unfortunate. Um?”

“Yes?”

“So am I allowed leave to go home certain days or is my shadowing a strict thing?”

Again, Phasma laughed, “Of course you’re allowed to leave. The contract is very flexible, as long as you get material to write about when you follow around Ren. then you may come and go as you please. Though it is preferable if you spend as much time as possible with him, especially during filming.”

“Of course, makes sense.” They had arrived at the door that lead to the apartment and Phasma used Rey’s key to unlock the door. The pair step into a very modern, open concept apartment. Rey took minute to get used to set up, the living room was at the center of the apartment with a decent sized kitchen to her right and a small hallway that presumably led to their rooms. One of the walls that the living room opened up to was a giant window with a view of the city below. Rain still splattered over the immaculate plane.

“Well, here we are. Is that bag all you’ve brought?” Phasma asked gesturing to the duffle bag on Rey’s shoulder.

“Yep, don’t need much,” Rey responded.

“Alright, well, I’ll leave you to settle in. Ren should be coming back from his shoot around lunchtime. Oh! and before I go here’s a list of Ren’s schedule and contact information. You should already have my number, so if any questions arise.”

“Of course, thanks Phasma,” Rey replied and Phasma returned with what Rey thought was a ghost of smile before she left the room. Rey lugged her bags into door nearest the bathroom that Phasma had designated as her own. The room was very much like the rest of the apartment, mostly bare except for one large window, a twin sized bed, a desk and half full bookshelf. Rey set down her duffle bag on the bed and took in the view from her window, cars stood stifled in traffic, pedestrians strutted to and fro on the sidewalks, life kept moving, all expect for her.

She closed her eyes for moment allowing nothing but the soothing sound of rain to comfort her. Then went to work setting up her room, her small set of clothes were hanged and her laptop and other work-related materials were meticulously arranged on the desk. She had a feeling they’d be best friends.

Unsure of what to do with herself, Rey sat on her bed and watched the rain distort her reflection on the window. All that was left is to wait for Kylo -No, Ben- to arrive, which according to the clock on the bedside table would be any minute now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that want to know~
> 
> Here's what Solo's car looks like: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/H3k_B1dRFD0/maxresdefault.jpg
> 
> Here's what Chewie looks like: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a4/7a/d1/a47ad12535adf2b44712afca2c30e621.jpg
> 
> and yes, Phasma has a low key woman crush on Rey!


	3. First Impressions

To say Kylo Ren had had a bad morning would be a complete and utter understatement. If he so desired, he might have discussed his plethora of misfortunes at great length. Instead, he pushed the close doors button for the building elevator and let his aching head lie on the cool metal of the elevator walls. The pain dulled but was not dispelled as he could finally think clearly. He directed his jumbled monologue to unravel the issue of his current project,  **Star Killer** . The show was, well, poor written, extremely cheesy and the actors were sub-par to put it kindly. He could understand the studio’s decision to cut funding for another season and end it off here. Not mention, the poor reviews received from critics. Hell, even the studio from which that stupid reporter had come from had tore down the production. In all honesty, Ren was glad to wrap up the shooting for the remaining episodes and lay this project to rest. The only problem was that with  **Star Killer** in the dumps, he had nothing to work on for another two months. Back in the old days, this would have meant trouble with the bills, but now that he was established and prepared for such situations, there was no need. It was the challenge of occupying himself till the next production. He sighed lightly beating his head on the wall, painfully aware of the dull thuds he was producing. Looking for a distraction, his thoughts turned to that mysterious journalist, this Rey. Just who is she? He had not heard or read anything by her before; then again he wasn’t much for reading the news.  Also, why no surname? Surely even if the poor girl were an orphan, she would have eventually adopted some foster-name. Another thing, why was she writing about him? From what he gathered from Phasma's droning, she was the one who reached out to them and offered this arrangement. He prided himself on being a well-known and respected actor but he avoided media attention like the plague. How did some entertainment reporter even come to the conclusion that the public would be interested in an article about  _ HIM _ ? Then he remembered something,  **_Amidala_ ** . This girl was the one who had written that excessively discussed piece on his grandmother. His mind clicked,  _ So, she thinks she’s an expert. _

Interrupting his musings, the elevator dinged loudly as he had arrived at his destination. He stepped out and quickly strided to that door that led to his apartment. The door was simple, with only the number 13 in gold nailed to its surface. He put his key in the lock and found the door was already unlocked. He entered the suite and found it to be as pristine as he left it. The only thing he found amiss was the unidentifiable figure sitting on his couch.

Rey had curled up into the couch in the main room. She currently had fixed her attention on the massive window, as the pattering of rain soothed her nerves. She couldn’t explain why she felt so nervous. Perhaps, the reality of the situation had hit, she really was going to spend the next six months with a complete stranger. Perhaps, she felt homesick, knowing that she probably won’t get to the sleep in her own bed or get the wake to smell of Finn’s cooking. Perhaps, she was just tired of the waiting. Whatever it was, it dissipated rather quickly as the sound of a key in the door lock, roused her out of her contemplative state. She quickly changed her position, from being curled into a little ball feet tucked into her frame to sitting upright hands crossed in her lap. She mentally prepared herself, introduction and mannerisms set. What she didn’t expect was the way he would act.

Anger, and worse of all, it had an unidentifiable origin. It took a minute but he recognized her plain face from the photos Phasma had provided. All he could think was that a stranger had invaded the sanctity of his home.

The creature spoke up after shrinking in her hard, accusatory gaze for a moment, “My name is--”

“I already know who you are,” he interrupted, with a cold and mechanical tone. “Why are you are?”

Rey was left a little flustered and unsure of herself as the man in question came in and destroyed her little apostrophe. “I was told to come here and bring my things,” She said gesturing in the direction of the hallway that leads to their receptive rooms.  

“And who told you that?”

“Phasma.” She spoke with a hardness to nearly match his own, confidence rising as the initial scare faded away.

“Phasma?” At last an emotion appeared, surprise.

“She was the one to let me in here and set up my room and etc.”

“Ah,” He spoke; the h trailed off and faded to silence. He gave her a quick nod and launched into an interrogation, “So this is to proceed for six months?”

“Yes.”

“And you are to stay in my home for that entire time?’

“Yes, well almost. I will not be at your side 24/7.” She lightly chuckled, hoping to ease the tension in the air. Her efforts resulted in more painful silence, “There will be times and situations in which I will need to go to my office or home. But for the most part, yes I will be here or work or wherever you are.”

“Hmm…” He moved over to the kitchen counter and set down his things.

Initial shock of the situation worn off, Rey took a moment to examine him. He was tall, much taller than what pictures online suggested. He had mottled pale, almost translucent skin. His hair was raven black, with long; dare she say luscious locks that framed his face quite nicely. His face was like the pictures had depicted. It was the face of man with a hint of childish youth that refused to loosen its grip upon his countenance. The thing that she and apparently many others gravitated towards, his nose, it was rather large and dominated his features. Oddly enough, she found its presence charming. At last she found his eyes and as cliché as it sounded she really did get lost in them. Though she knew they must be dark brown, she couldn’t help but feel they were black, an endless void, and windows’ to a soulless host. Normally, she could piece together the disposition of person from the lines that snaked through their irises. With him, she felt if an opaque veil had taken ahold of his pupils and prevented her from understanding him.

So not at all what he had anticipated, the girl was decent; he thought quietly. She was perhaps a bit shaky but surprisingly polite. Yet, the desire to anger her persisted.

“Are you going to just sit and stare?” he quipped, removing his coat.

The girl or Rey, simply shrugged and gave him an unreadable look for a moment, before rising and walking into what he assumed what was going to be her room. He couldn’t help himself but stare at her form as she walked away. For a reporter, she the physique of an athlete; tanned skin, defined muscles, and strength in her gait.

Rey let out a sigh of relief as the door closed behind her. All she could think about was how his voice bounced off the walls and his eyes seemed to simultaneously be empty and inviting. She shook her head and told herself to concentrate: she was here to work. Remember what Professor Luke had said,  _ when observing your subject, there is no emotion, only peace _ . She repeated his mantra over and over. While it dispelled the quickness of her heartbeat, a dull indistinguishable urge took its place. Rey decided to interpret this as hate, unbridled hate for the subject of her next article.

_ Great _ , she thought,  _ another actor whose balls I want to rip off, why am I here again? _ She let out a frustrated grunt, before pulling out her laptop and distracting herself with emails and edits.

Time passed rather slowly, Rey had gone through all her missed work and actually made some progress on the edits Dameron had requested. It took her two hours of meandering around to cave in and pull out her tape recorder. Like any other writer, she thought better and consequently wrote better when she spoke her thoughts aloud. Her tape recorder was old and held together by literally scraps of duck tape. She couldn’t explain why but the ancient thing was precious to her. It went with her everywhere and heard things that she had never told anyone else before. She was conscious that her housemate was just in the other room, but the walls looked thick and she had quiet voice. After clicking record, she began:

 

_“Day 1, Sept 12, 201X. Time is 9:59 p.m._

_I have be to a little quiet, so as to not disturb my lovely flatmate. So this is day one, first face-to-face meeting with Phasma, First Order’s top Producer/agent; honestly she does like everything around here. She was surprisingly nice and also really tall, but then again, compared to me, most people are. I got settled in this morning, it’s a pretty nice place, beats mine and finn’s little closet but it's so...empty, bare, almost lonely._

_The owner of this Flat is my ‘subject’, the infamous Kylo Ren. We meet for the first time, today. So far, the rumors were a little exaggerated. He wasn’t overly rude or pissed. Mostly just mildly inconvenienced by my presence, which I guess most people are. He looked just like what the pictures had suggested. His eyes were strange, though. It’s as if he masked them from the world. I can’t get a single clear reading from them. He was definitely arrogant, that just comes with the actor package. To be completely honest, I felt like decking him in the face. Oh well, maybe after I’m done with the article I’ll give it to him as a going-away present. “_

 

A sigh could be heard on the recording; it was long and heavy.

 

_“So this article, if I am gonna go about it the same way I did for Amidala, then I need to break him down; personal, professional and private life._

_The easiest one to start with is, of course, business. From what’s been made public. This guy grew up in New York, went to Juilliard, after serving three years in the marines, was recruited by First Order Productions and has starred in their shows ever since, has been contracted out to do some Oscar-nominated pictures. He is definitely no joke.”_

 

A shuffling of papers is heard.

 

_“          According to Phasma’s itinerary, which is insanely detailed by the way, I’m to go to the set of one of his current projects, Blue Harvest. It’s some kind of horror movie? Huh, some guy called, Mr. I-don’t-have-a-first-name Hux, directs it. Apparently, he has directed literally of Kylo’s stuff. If I need to delve into Ren’s personal life, here’s my potential in. I guess?_

_Okay, end of Day 1, now onto Day 2.”_

 

            The buzz on the set of Blue Harvest was almost deafening. It certainly, didn’t help that she had the worst dream last night. The back of her neck was drenched in sweat as she rose up from the bed gasping. Her dream or rather nightmare, was the same one as usual; bright lights, someone screaming her name and the smell of flames.

A shiver crawled up her spine, as she fought desperately to look less nervous than she felt alone in the corner.  Kylo Ren had accompanied her silently to the studio and then promptly deserted her to go to his dressing room. Unfortunately for her, Phasma was not here yet. So, little old Rey did what she does best and hid in a corner and awkwardly played on her phone. Not the classiest of moves, but she was surrounded by strangers and had absolutely no clue what to do.

“And what is this?” a voice to her left practically shouted, “All techs are need on the set, no loitering!” A man, about the same height as her, with bright orange hair and cold, accusatory eyes, stood before her, glaring her out of existence.

“Um, I’m not-”

“I don’t care for excuses! This is unacceptable. You’re superiors will hear about this.” He admonished, narrowing his eyes at her. Rey was about to interjected and plead her case, when another voice sounded from her right and she felt a hand land on her shoulder, “Calm down, Hux. She’s with me.”

Rey turned her head and there was Kylo Ren, decked out in some sort of cape costume. Hux scoffed and responded, “You brought one of your whores to the set, completely unprofessional.”

“Hey! I’m not--” Rey was cut off by Kylo. “One, what I do with my life is none of your business and two, she isn’t a-- well, she could be? But she’s the reporter you all were so insistent about.”

Rey didn’t know whether to thank the man or strangle him. Thankfully, she didn’t have to make the choice as Hux looked down at his watch, “You’re on in five.” Hux looked her sharply, “Get her squared away, Kylo. I don’t want her wasting space or time.” The man proceeded to walk away.

Rey was honestly flabbergasted. This director was honestly something and Kylo Ren did her no favors. She was about to give him a piece of her mind, when he spoke up harshly, “sit over there in my chair, be quiet and take notes.” He then completely ignored her and headed onto the set. While, her instinct was to completely go against his “orders”, her rational side talked her into quietly sitting in his chair. Interns and set managers zoomed all around her, hurrying to get every detail ready for the shooting. Eventually, everything fell into place and the actors gathered onto the set, lights dimmed and the director yelled his lovely “action”


	4. I Don't Do That!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is a brilliant journalist who made herself known in the literary circles after publishing a long article on the life and accomplishements of fashion icon Padmè Amidala. Now her boss wants her to write a piece about her grandson, actor Kylo Ren, whose real name is Ben Solo. She has to follow him on his daily life for six months, to observe him and gather material. Rey isn’t all that thrilled at the idea: Ren’s reputation is that of an extremely cold and misanthropic person, and his fits of rage are well known. When their time is over, Rey and Ben - she refuses to call him Kylo - are much more close. Will Rey ignore their connection and exploit Ben’s issues and terrible relationship with his parents to write her article? If so, will Ben forgive her? More importantly, will she forgive herself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is! I'm gonna try to keep updates on Wednesdays and Sunday night/Monday mornings.  
> Also our babies are meeting! finally, right? Well let me know how you guys like how Kylo is, this is my first time writing him so any criticism would be appreciated^^

Ever since she was little and her foster mom snuck her into the local cinema, Rey developed a love for movies. She obsessed over stories and the cinematography that seamed together the magic of movies so effortlessly. She worshipped the vision of Kubrick, the acting finesse of Wayne, and the incredible worlds of Scorsese. In fact, she chose an English major to eventually become a screenwriter. Her “parents” soon brought her back down to earth and convinced her to pursue journalism. Instead of creating the art she adored, Rey wrote about it. Luckily, her cynic nature made her great at tearing down her idols and giving out shallow praise.  As she sat in that in little chair, scribbling random thoughts down as the production geared slowly into a start, Rey felt that same enthusiasm that brought her here. She felt same pull as the lights dimmed, the set quieted down and the act began. It was as if she was watching it happen on the big screen; the actor’s movements, the mood of the scene, the intensity that held the room’s almost eternal silence.

What really impressed her was Kylo Ren, who took center stage and brought the collective details together. He was a different person, altogether from the jerk that abandoned her this morning. He was emotional, angry, passionate, so...human. Rey could why he was so acclaimed, the man excelled at his craft. Rey tried to take in as much as she could, noting the how controlled, yet natural he made his movements, how fluid and refined his speech was, how murky the line between the actor and his character became. All in all. She definitely had quite a bit of material to discuss. She, also, noted how the director seemed both extremely pleased; yet frustrated with Kylo’s performance.

The scene concluded and the actor took their breather while the rest of team began prep for the next sequence of shots. Kylo Ren walked over to Rey, who was concentrating on her notes, intensely scribbling an slashing through the many thoughts that ran through her head. He cocked his head and cleared his throat rather loudly. Without looking up from her work, Rey responded, “Do you need something?”

“You’re in my seat,” He answered, rather harshly.

“Oh what, does it have your name on it or something?” Rey said mockingly, then as if she had seen Ren raise his brow and prepare to open his mouth, added, “Never mind, I take it back. But still, you told me to sit in _this very chair_ and not move. I’m only doing as _you_ instructed and remaining in my assigned spot.”

“I did,” he stated smirking, as the twinge of amusement hinged on the tips of his syllables, “however, that was during the shoot. We are currently on break, therefore I need my chair.”

Rey stayed firmly planted in place, only looking up to give him a roll of her eyes.

“If you do not get up, I will be forced to sit on you. Won’t that be pleasant?” he threatened.

Though, she didn’t take him too seriously, Rey reluctantly gave up her seat and walked away. She registered that he called out her name, but chose to ignore it and catch some fresh air.

The fresh air on the roof of the studio was rejuvenating, as Rey took her first deep breath of the day. Of course, she was disheartened that she would have to return to her “little prison” in a few minutes, but she let the buzz and chaos of the city transport her to serenity. Suddenly, her little moment was disrupted by the vibration of her phone. She let out a frustrated grunt and quickly pulled out her phone. One quick look at the caller ID and she answered it, “Finn?”

“Rey, OMG! I fucked up big time. You are going to kill me, KILL ME!” shouted a frazzled and panicking Finn. Rey rolled her eyes and sighed loudly into the receiver as she prepared herself for whatever “problem” her roommate had gotten himself into.

“Listen finn, Finn! LISTEN! You need to calm the frick down, let right now,” she screamed right back. Deep breathing and silence followed her words, “Ok, are you good? Calm? Tell me, again calmly, using your indoor voice, what in the hell happened?”

She heard a rapid sigh followed by his, softer this time, voice, “Ok, so remember how you said that I’m in charge of caring for BB-8?” Rey’s mind starting leaping, her boss’s dog, BB-8. She could see where his line was leading to; he lost the little Pomeranian didn’t he?

“Finn, did you let him run away?”

“Listen, I didn’t mean to, I was grabbing water and I forgot that I wasn’t holding his leash and the door was open and I-I let...him go.”

Rey let out a long sigh of disappointment and frustration, as her pinched the bridge of her nose. She could Finn pleading through the speaker, “Rey, I’m sorry. Rey?”

“Finn. I could lose my job over this. Dameron trusted, trusted me to look after BB-8 while his apartment in under construction. Now, you’re telling me, he ran away and instead of scouring the city for him, you are on the phone with him. I don’t care what you do but you, and I meant it Finn, YOU need to find BB-8.”

Before Finn could explain himself further, Rey terminated the call. She banged her forehead with her palm several times, trying to make peace with the possibility that she’ll have to explain to Dameron that she left, the love of his life, in the hands of someone else and that someone else let him run away.

 

**_Jakku Towers_ **

 

On the other end of the line, Finn stood absolutely terrified for himself, BB-8 and Rey. In his defense, BB-8 and he didn't get along and Rey knew this. The little orange and white furred pom-pom had chewed his ass on more than one occasion. He threw his phone down in both fear and frustration after Rey abruptly ended the call. He knew what he had to do and was crossing his fingers in the hope it would work. He grabbed a bag of dog treats and raced down the stairs.

The streets were crowded as tourists and city residents clamored to have their lunch. Finn was in shambles as he practically shoved every individual on his quest to find the elusive fur ball. He called out his name repeated, shaking the bag of treats. Finn was beginning to lose hope as he had made it down almost three blocks and encountered no sign of the dog. His shoulders slumped down as he wondered how to break the news to Rey, until his ears picked up the little pom’s signature bark. Finn scanned the crowd and his eyes fell upon the little rascal at some stranger’s feet. He rushed over to the him, knocking over a cyclist in the process, “BB! Oh my lord, you had me so worried. Thank god I found you.”

Finn reached down to pick up the pup, but as soon as his hand neared him, BB took a good hard bite. He recoiled in anger and pain, exclaiming a few slurs. The stranger whose legs the dog continue to paw at, simply laughed at the display and so effortlessly picked up the pom.

“He isn't very fond of you, is he?” the man joked as his grin seemed to mesmerize Finn, who stood flabbergasted at the comfort with which the individual regarded BB-8.

“How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Do that!” Finn gestured, cradling an invisible dog.

“Well, BB loves being held, little fizzball.”

“Um, thank you for...catching him,” Finn choked out, slightly embarrassed.

“Rey, uh my roommate, was going to tear off my head, If I had lost the little guy.”

“Oh I believe you, I probably would have chewed off hers, considering I’m his owner.” Poe smirked.

            Finn mouth fell open several feet, “You're THE Poe Dameron?”

            “I suppose I am, you’re Finn, I’m assuming?” Poe chuckled, extending one free hand to the surprised man.

            Finn immediately took it and shook it firmly, “How did you know my name? Wait did Rey tell you about me?”  Titling his head to the side, quizzically.

            “Something like that, did your foot ever heal?”

            “Oh she told you that story, uh yeah. Not one of my finest moments.”

            “Oh really? Are there more of these?”

            As Finn stood, sweaty and stunned, he realized that Rey’s boss was flirting, with him. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, Finn found the man very attractive, from the sly crooked smirk to his ironically hipster letterman he was wearing.

            “Maybe, would you care to find out over lunch?” Finn asked as confidently as he could muster, taking a chance.

            The ends of poe’s mouth turned upwards, as his eyes twinkled in response.

 

**_First Order Productions_ **

 

Rey continued her nervous pacing, clutching onto her phone for dear life. She was desperately awaiting Finn’s phone call. While she had given him an ultimatum, forgiveness would come to him. For her, maybe not so much. All she could think about was Poe’s enraged face, the accusations, the tears and worst of all the pink slip. Forward 5 steps, about turn, forward 5 steps, repeat. She stayed this way for what she thought was ten minutes.

“Finn, you fucker, pick up,” she growled in the receiver of her cell phone, as her fifth call went unanswered.

Two floors below, Kylo Ren was finishing up his last scene of the day. While, he wouldn’t care to admit it, today’s set really tired him out, well that and having to babysit his new “sidekick”. He was worried, how his work would be affected by her presence and was pleased to find that she would actually listen to his orders. Hux’s little hiccup was undoubtedly annoying, but Ren decided he had handled it well. He went straight into his dressing room and sat statuesque as the makeup team did their work. The whole while, the man was wondering about the reporter in question, he had expected her to come pester him as soon as the shoot had ended and yet, she was nowhere to be seen. After, the makeup department had finished their business, he strode his way to the chair he had told her to stay put in. Lo and behold, the frustrating girl was nowhere to be seen. His eyes scanned the room, looking for her small frame among the crowd of people on set.

He gestured to a young woman walking by, “You!”

She pointed to herself and looked side-to-side in fear.

Kylo rolled his eyes, “yes, you. There was a woman sitting here, brown hair, brown eyes, about this tall, she doesn’t shut up,” he paused when he saw recognition in her eyes, as she nodded quickly.

“She had to take a call, I think she went up to the roof--” Kylo didn’t stay to hear her finish her sentence as he practically ran up to the roof.

He found what or who he was looking for. The girl in question was walking from one end of the roof to other, speaking rather loudly into her phone.

He grunted, to get her attention. When he found that she continued, he spoke, “Rey--”

She had stopped her pacing and raised one finger up to silence him, giving him a look of annoyance.

“Look, I don’t care about excuses. I was worried sick--No, I wasn’t busy, I was waiting for your call--Well was I supposed to hop right back onto work wondering if you had caught the little bugger--Well I’m happy for you, but wait what! -- Poe Dameron, as in my fucking boss--Finn! You can’t just--look, you know what I don’t care, as long he isn’t going to fire me--Finn, just hear me out before you go crazy. Poe isn’t Mr. take-home-to-your-mom, just be careful, ok-- Look I got to go, Mr. Grumpy is requesting an audience--Also, don’t be that careless again, ok--bye!” Rey spoke into her phone, as Finn, finally relayed to her this morning’s events. She was relieved that BB-8 was safe, a little less relieved that Poe Dameron had been the one to find him. Finn going out on a little date with Poe was concerning to say the least but, Rey couldn’t control her friend. She'd let him experiment with Dameron, but she knew Poe was serious about these kinds of things. She let out a sigh and ended the call, before turning to face Kylo Ren, who stood as usual, pissed off.

Pissed off was right, no one had ever managed to silence him like she did. Kylo was seething as he waited impatiently, as she finished her phone call. As he stood there, he wondered why he let her do that. Why didn’t he tell her to stuff it and end the call? Crossing his arms over his chest, he tapped his foot rapidly as she finally ended the call.

“Finished?”

“Yes, now what do you need?” she huffed, mirroring his movements.

“The shoot is over, we need to leave.”

Rey nodded; taking note of how abrasive he was, before responding, “Let me grab my things.”

Kylo opened the door to their apartment and let Rey enter the room first. The car ride over here was rather silent, as neither had anything really to say to one another. Rey was still steaming over Finn’s slip up. Kylo was trying to decide how to spend the next few months. She’d follow him, no matter what he did and at this point, they wouldn’t be filming for at least another month. That means weeks with this girl, a headache formed just by thinking about it.

He flipped on the lights as Rey hopped onto the couch, “So.”

“So, what?”

“Did you enjoy your time, today?”

“Are you asking that because you're genuinely curious or is this small talk?”

“I’m expecting an answer all the same”

Rey laughed, “Was a that joke?”

“Would it be that hard to imagine that I could joke?” He raised a brow.

“Perhaps, you know I was warned you were a great actor, but I didn’t think you’d be a decent one.”

It was Ren’s turn to let out chuckle, “You’re a journalist, right? Not a comedian.”

            “To answer your original question, yes I did. Your director is a bit of a character. But overall it was nice to see everything come together. “

            He hummed in response, as he went through the kitchen grabbing a bottle of wine and a glass, “Do you want some?”

            Rey shook her head, “No, I should probably go and get some work done.” She stopped in middle of the hallway to her room, before turning around and asking, “What are we doing tomorrow?”

            Ren tilted his head thoughtfully, good question, he thought. Phasma and Hux were always pushing him to attend their little meetings, perhaps he could take her there, and it’ll keep her busy for a while. “We going to have lunch with my producer and director, after that, you can do as you please,” he told her, before filling his glass and walking into his room.

            Rey shrugged her shoulders, not phased by his change of tone from semi-normal to curt. She just hopped her next interaction with his director went better than today.

 

 


	5. Finding Common Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey attend a First Order Business meeting. Phasma and Hux set the stage for Kylo's new project, involving journalism? Business concluded out pair go for a little walk and finally find some common ground.

Early morning dew collected and coagulated into progressively larger and larger drops as they made their inevitable descent off the dull copper red canopy that sat overhead the Nima Cafe. Below this very canopy sat a pristine table, occupied by one sole being, a man in his late twenties, dressed professionally, yet with an aura of causality. Perfect posture that one could measure with a protractor, knees bent at ninety degrees, connected to a well-maintained torso, the young director settled his hands on his upper thighs, drumming them along to some silent tune. Hux was the first to arrive that morning, ten minutes early, of course. Punctuality was close to godliness or so the saying goes, he supposed.    
  


His seat faced the sidewalk as he simply waited and watched for the tall frame, who normally occupied the seat across from him. The table was set for four guests, but Hux had an inkling that their actor “extraordinaire” and his “reporter” would bail on the pair. A waiter appeared from the entrance to the cafe, bearing a large tray of tea. The man promptly placed Hux’s earl grey in front of him, and Phasma’s large iced tea in her normal spot. Waiting for Hux’s curt wave, the man returned to his hovel and Hux resumed his vigil while sipping on the piping hot beverage. 

Finally as the morning air seemed to grew ever so slightly warmer, the graceful, slim figure of his “right-hand” producer, Phasma, approached. The woman wore clothes of a similar variety to Hux, yet her appearance seemed to add color to the morning haze that settled on the streets. Pulling back her rosy red lips, the woman shined her pearly whites at her friend, “Good morning.” 

“Good morning.”

Phasma hummed a little tune as she settled into her seat, reaching out for her glass, staring curiously at the two empty table placements. “It’s going to be nice to have some fresh company, this morning.”

Hux made of small sound of mild agreement as he took another sip of his drink, “Do you think they’ll actually show?” A genuine question, though his mind had already chosen an answer. 

Phasma grinned into her cup as she saw the slight discontentment in the movements of her friend. It was clear to her, that Hux did not want the pair to show up, for reasons she did not want to fathom but knew about nonetheless. She sat down her cool glass, watching a drop of precipitation make its fall down the side of the pristine cup, leaving a clear path behind it.

“Are you asking me if they are coming or if I want the pair to come? Because the answer is yes to both. You should know me better than that  _ General _ ,” she quipped, ready to gauge his reaction. It was the one thing about Hux that not many understood. At a glance, he seemed stoic and stuck-up but truly his inability to hide his emotions was why he was behind the camera and not in front. 

Grateful for the slightly cool atmosphere, Hux coughed and look away, slightly embarrassed by Phasma’s use of his childhood nickname, “It was a serious question. Though I suppose my little hiccup  set may have left the wrong impression.”

“Wrong impression?” She practically snorted, “from what I heard from my team, the girl was ready to punch you.”

“Rumors are not very reliable, you know.”

“It was a primary source.”

“Witnesses can have such fickle memories.”

Phasma rolled her eyes, as she pulled out her trusty planner and stack of pertinent files. As much fun as it was to chat with Hux, they had come to discuss business. She glanced over to the two empty seats at her side and then her eyes flickered to Hux’s watch, which read ten minutes past the agreed upon meeting time. 

She took long sigh, inhaling the fresh morning air, as her cheerful expression began to recede back to her professional portrait. 

Just as she opened her mouth to proceed, a sleek, black Tesla pulled up to front of the cafe. Phasna felt her grin come back from the dead as she turned over to Hux and gave him a sideways smirk.

Hux blinked his eyes for a moment, genuinely surprised that Kylo even bothered. After Phasma’s subtle gloating, he simply rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, settling into his usual displeased expression. 

Rey was the first to exit the car, not of her own volition of course. Her lovely companion had practically shoved her out the door. She let out a slight grunt as she tettered towards losing her balance but at the last moment steadied herself with the side of the car. 

Kylo made his, as per usual, grand entrance, slamming the car door behind him, donning a indifferent and empty expression. Straightening the wrinkles in his shirt, his hands returned to their vigil at his side. Without so much as even a slight glance to Rey, he proceeded to stride over to their seats. Rey began to roll her eyes and open her mouth, snarky admonishment ready to fire, then she remembered that she had promised to make him look good. Insulting him in front of his colleagues, probably not a good idea, she thought. 

The pair took their respective seats which, to Rey’s dismay, put her in between Hux and Ren, her two favorite people. Phasma gave her a warm smile from across the table. 

“Well, General,” she said, turning to the man in question as he simply glared in the general direction of the new arrivals, “What did I tell you? Seems my faith was not misplaced.” 

Hux simply huffed and turned his head to the side as the new arrivals ordered food. The waiter rushed in, laying out the group customary brunch, brusquely exchanging correspondence similar to pleasantries with the currently animated Phasma. Rey, for the most part, sat quietly in her seat savoring her food at a steady pace, focusing on an almost microscopic, cream-colored stain on the stark white table cloth. 

Kylo cleared his throat as the sharp sounds of forks scraping dishes had dominated the air around them. Alleviating the silence, he spoke, “So, shall we begin?”

Phasma nodded, hurriedly chewing her bite of sandwich, “Well,” She swallowed, “we’ll start off with your current projects. Starkiller bombed.” Hux made a noise of disgust and rolled his eyes.

“Right, we’ll just skip over the details on that one,” Phasma continued, noting her friend’s obvious disagreement, “it has come to my attention that your next two months are free. Which, if I know you, Kylo, that's a problem.”

Kylo made a face to suggest the observation was obvious. 

Unnerved, Phasma went on, “I did my best but the only thing that the First Order has available at the moment is a small project, suggested by your favorite director.” 

“Yes, yes, another one of Hux’s indie films. I'll take anything at this point,” Kylo spoke, running his hand through his hair; the morning winds were merciless and even his appearance fell victim.

Rey had her head tilted to the side, supported by her left hand, as her right hand tried and failed to take useful notes. It wasn't that she was bored by the exchange, she simply found her head was too focused on the small things around her. She heard the steady beat of Hux’s feet on the pavement, the glint of Phasma’s teeth in the bright, early morning sun, the faint but persistent scent of Kylo’s cologne, her senses were too engaged with the atmosphere to bother with the intricacies of the delicate yet potent conservation occurring right in front of her. This has always been her problem, her job required her to be uncomfortable for extended period times. It required her to purposely disable her skills, impede her instinct as a writer and focus on what she was told to do rather than experience the event in the way her mind saw fit. This imbalance had the result of making her look immature, unobservant and incompetent.    
  


These qualities were exactly what Kylo had assigned to her. He didn't spend every moment of his day examining others but he had spent enough time with the girl to notice her habits. Her normal temperament hovered over mildly disinterested and blatantly aloof. It infuriated him to no end. His presence at this “meeting” was, in part, for her to gather information, not daydream.

As he brought his cup of coffee up to his lips, his hand reached off and flicked her left arm, lightly or rather what light and gentle was to him. Rey immediately turned to him, wearing her normal look of annoyance, mouth ready to berate him for his actions. But the actor had the upper hand, “I would have thought as a reporter your job would be to observe and take notes.” 

“Which is exactly what I’m doing, currently,” she huffed, sitting up straighter, crossing her arms over her chest, angling herself away from the man in question. 

A voice spoke up from across the table, “yes, yes, we know how hard it was for you, Kylo, to carve out precious time to do your job. If anything, the miracle of your appearance should be enough for our reporter to put on the front page.” For his comment, Hux received a prompt and enraged glare, which he ignored, “now can we get back to business?”   
  


Phasma who had been thoroughly amused with the trio’s exchange, returned to her monologue, “yes, well back to the project at hand, Hux and I have given it the codename  _ Grey Light _ . It's basically a nonfiction about a journalism professor and the struggle to publicize the crimes of a prominent New York 50’s mob boss. You, Kylo, of course will be playing, Mr. Tiede, our cynical, experienced journalist who has taken up teaching to pay the bills. Thanks to the energy of one his unlikely students, he is roused to investigate the recent string of disappearances which lead him to the head of New York’s underground mob ring, putting him and his pupil in a host of danger.” 

Phasma looked up from her paper to examine Kylo’s expression, as per usual it resembled his mask of disinterest but tiny inflections, such as his eyes angled slightly upward, his nostrils subtly flared and mouth parted just a centimeter, were dead giveaways for Phasma. He was intrigued. 

His eyes flicked back and forth from his food to the outstretched script in front of him, as he pretended to consider the proposal. In his head, he had agreed a thousand times over. It was these sort of stories that had made Kylo want to act. He wasn't “in it” for money or fame; he was to tell stories, transport ordinary people, free them from the restricted confines of reality. 

To his side, Rey had thoughtfully cocked her head, right hand scrawling notes; it seems the film had piqued her interest as well.

After a moment of crystal clear silence, the man gingery took the pamphlet in front of him, promptly proceeded to leaf through its contents. Eyes scanned the booklet, row by row dissecting his lines, Kylo found himself content with what he found. It was reminiscent of Hux’s earlier, more experimental work. The deep, complicated characterization and gritty plot line harked back to hux’s early foray into the literary world; it was clear to Kylo that the entire screenplay was Hux’s brainchild. Satisfied, he turned back to Phasma, who bore her all-knowing grin, “When do we start?”

“Someone is eager,” she teased, “Well, we can’t just jump into filming. We have been given a small budget which I can make last, but at Hux’s request, you will need to spend some time shadowing a journalist figure.”

Kylo cocked a brow, this was not what he had in mind. 

“A bit similar to how miss Rey is following you, we had hoped you would shadow a prominent journalism teacher and model your performance on him and his experiences.”

Rey did not look up from her notes, but if she was distracted earlier, she was certainly paying attention now. 

His expression did not change, “I see.” A loud sigh, followed by, “and when does this “shadowing” begin?”

“Well, as soon as possible, the first of next month, which is this coming monday,” a loud buzzing shook the table, oscillating the brown liquid remaining in Hux’s cup. Phasma blinked slowly, surprised. She had not been expectantly a call today. One look at the caller ID and she scrambled up and out of her seat. “Hello. Yes, sir. No-” she put up one finger, giving the remaining three at the table an apologetic look as she moved away to take the call. 

While it may have been only a minute or so, Phasma’s departure had left a sheet of sheer discomfort among them. Hux maintained his normal scowl, looking in the direction that Phasma had left in. Kylo held an expression of this same caliber, though his gaze shifted from Hux to his food and every so often to the girl at his side. Rey had brought her little notebook into her lap, supporting her writing by crossing her legs. She had become engrossed in her inner world of planning, outlining and writing. Unbehedest to her, strands of her unruly brown hair had wriggled their way out of her tight braids and fallen down the sides of her face, catching flecks of red in the burning morning rays. Littles outshoots of those red pinpoints reflected off and landed on Kylo’s arm, adding red dots to match his already mottled skin. Eventually, he dropped all pretenses and simply stared at her, unabashedly taking in her appearance as if this was the first time he had seen her. That moment of post-reflection and time of action passed, as he opened his mouth, piquing the attention of Hux, but was cut short by the re-entry of Phasma. 

A little out of breath, “Well, what did I miss?” 

Kylo hurriedly closed his mouth, fixed his expression and retorted, “nothing, just quiet meditation.”

A snort came from the “general”, as Phasma just giggled, giving the ginger a look that read, we will talk about this later. 

“Well, it seems this ‘meeting’ must be cut a tad short. Snoke has given me my marching orders. I’m needed back on the front,” she proceeded to rise from her seat, “Oh and Kylo, I’ll email you the details of your assignment.” 

Kylo nodded, staying seated. 

“And, Rey,” she said, turning to the girl who had just noticed her return, “thank you for coming,” following with a genuine smile and quick look to Kylo.

Her departure was quick and following her example, the kind director disappeared, leaving actor and reporter at the table as the morning air grew colder as the sun hide behind wispy clouds.

Rey had put away her materials and sat solemnly in her chair, waiting. Kylo made no indication or acknowledgment to her, simply absorbed in his thoughts. Suddenly, he roze from his seat and strode away from the cafe. 

Flabbergasted, Rey simply watched the man walk away, quietly admiring the grace of his body in movement. Finally it snapped and she bounded after him. Thanks to his long legs, Kylo had covered some ground by the time rey had realized she had better follow him. 

Panting slightly, the young reporter reached his side walking a quicker pace than normal to keep up. Without breaking his gaze of concentration, the older man simply ordered, “take the car home. I need silence.”

“Well,” pausing to take a breath, “the subject I’m writing about is not home and silence is one of my fortes,” Rey retorted, giving him a playful wink.

Kylo finally turned to look at her, narrowing his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning upward subtly into his natural smirk, “Oh really? Could have fooled me.”

Rey stuck out her tongue and proceed to turn her attention back to the sidewalk in front of her, plugging a set of earphones into her ears, content to blast  **Weezer** the whole ‘walk’.

Time jogged onward as the pair walked side-by-side, each lost in another frame of reality. Contemplative silence seemed to suite them. Kylo could feel his mind calm down as his thoughts were free to meander and dream as they pleased, no pestering questions or restrictive obligations. Rey, though she had wanted to use this time to examine Kylo in private, found herself simply enjoying this peaceful moment. She had to admit when the cameras were off, the adminstration away and the pretenses lost, Kylo seemed almost human, normal, admirable even. He did not regard her much, did not attempt conversation, in fact he opted to pretend she wasn’t there at all. 

Eventually, Rey couldn’t take it and decided to disrupt the quiet, “So are we going to just keeping walking?”

Kylo made no indication of a reply, although the sideways look he gave her suggested he had clearly heard her.

A Little more forcefully she repeated, pulling out both earphones, “You know only monks live and breathe in silence.”

“Yes, and look at how peaceful they are. You should follow their pious example,” he replied at last as one would to a child.

She snorted, “Pious is a subjective term. Who’s to say that what is pious is not really sinful? Those labels are chosen by society, not some greater good or mystical all-encompassing ‘force’.”

Kylo raised his brow, “Are you atheist?”

“Are you?”

“Touché.”

Rey let out a smile, “Let’s play a game.”

“Reporters play games?”

“People who aren’t completely stuck up play games. Now do you want to play?”

“What is the game in question?”

“Well, we ask each other a question and the other must reply truthfully, no matter the question.”

“That sounds like an interview,” Kylo crossed his arms, slowly his pace to allow Rey relax a bit. 

“In a way, but you get to interview me as well, so we’re even.”

Kylo gave an incredulous look, “Why would I want to know about you?”

She rolled her eyes and gave the taller man a light shove, “Aw come on, don’t be a spoil sport. You realize that this might actually be fun?”

The scenery around ran its usual  _ leisurely _ pace, as cars whizzed by and the park adjacent to the sidewalk that they occupied sat empty. Internally, Kylo weighed his options, she had done as he had asked and given him space in front of Phasma and Hux, but if his hunch was correct, (it usually was) this was a fishing expedition and Rey was bound to hook something. 

“Fine, I’ll bite,” Rey shifted away from him in response. “Not literally you dunce, I’ll play your stupid game.”

“Yay,” she cheered, genuine smile breaking out, “Alright, first of all, what is your favorite color?”

“So original.”

She stuck her tongue out, “answer it, wiseass.”

“Give me a better question or I’m not playing.”    
She exhaled. “Fine.” She looked up at him as they were walking and observed his stern face, staring straight ahead. “Is there anyone in your life who has the pleasure of receiving your clearly generous affection?”   
“Beg your pardon?”   
She giggled, “I mean you’re an actor, so it must be easy for you to find someone to put up with your-”   
“I try not to distract myself with things like that.” he responded curtly. An awkward and uncomfortable air settled on them. She looked over again and for a moment, she noticed that his once stern face had turned subtly in pain. It was only a few seconds, but it was the first time he let a weakness slip.    
He coughed and looked around, struggling to get recede to his regular authoritative state. “My turn now. How can a person who’s so aloof and unobservant be a journalist?”   
“Excuse me?”

“You were hardly observing anything at all back there.”   
She scoffed, but she knew he was right. She figured if he let a weakness slip, so could she. “I don’t mean to come across that way. I really can’t help it at this point. When you have a passion for writing, you can’t help but notice the details around you.”

“And that’s why you’re a journalist?”    
“Well...that was more of my parents’ decision than mine.” She looked at the sidewalk, and this time he was noticing her demeanor. “...But I guess they had a point.” 

“Parents, in the end...do, don’t they?” each word seemed measured, 

Another round of uneasy quiet settled around them. Rey saw the opportunity to pry about his family, so she took it. 

“What-- How were your parents with you?” 

Kylo raised a brow as his eyes quickly flickered to her.

“I mean, if they were like mine, they certainly wouldn’t have approved of your acting.”

“they...I...Well, um….” he sighs, unable to compose his thoughts into words. This was the first time in long while that he had thought about his past. The last few years he has spent blissfully burying his upbringing and background. No one in the First Order knew or really care, with the exception of Phasma whose job was to know such things. Though she had been sworn to secrecy for Kylo’s sake. He starts to fidget with his hands as he tried to formulate the right way to explain to her that wouldn’t ruin his image, not that she thought too highly of him to begin with. 

“It's...a long story.”

“That is such bullshit.” she said, rolling her eyes. “‘A long story’ is code for shit went down and I never dealt with in the normal human way and now I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Kylo open his mouth and then immediately closed. Of course, she had to have a point. 

Another sigh, “My parents, well just my dad, he wanted a ‘normal’ life for me. You see he did some things that he regrets. He hung around the wrong type of people and it almost cost him, me and mom. So, he pushed me to be as square as possible. I went to business seminars as teenager, thanks to my mom’s...connections, I was offered several internships that guaranteed jobs out of college. Yet.”

Rey whose eye shimmered with interest, urged him on, “yet what?”

“None of it felt right. Every second of every day, I hate the work I did, the stuff read, heard, my parents for pushing me there, my peers for envying me and myself, most of all, for letting it all happen.”

“So what did you do?” 

“I…” this was the part of the tale, Kylo was most afraid of reciting, his crime, his lunacy, his irredeemable act. Instead, he skipped over it. “My friend introduced me to a marine recruiter up here in New York. I talked to him about my feelings and he helped me sign up to serve.”

“Oh, and how did your parents talk it?” at this point, Rey had pulled out her little notepad and unabashedly wrote down his response. She walked without looking up, aside from occasional encouraging glances to Kylo. The man in question was in shock, in shock that he was actually telling her this. What was she to him? Just some reporter, getting payed from creating an artificial image one. Then he corrected himself, Rey was anything but a fake writer. It almost pained him to admit it, but while she appeared aloof in certain situations, her affinity for writing was apparent. Even know, as his veiled secret spilled out onto the sidewalk, her mind wandered through the ruffled threads, weaving them into a beautiful tapestry in her mind. Every word she wrote was measure,calculated yet flowed like sap from the trunk of ripe tree. The world around as well seemed to run just a smidge slower to account for the magic that she wielded with her pen; it was downright distracting. Sunlight, once more hit her face just right, cascaded flurries of brownish-red speckles onto him. It was as if she projected small ray of sunlight, herself, a beacon of purity against the darkness hidden in his words. 

He stole one or two more moments of eternity observing her before continuing, “I ran away. From them. My parents. I left a note for my mom and a tie-clip for my dad. Then I just never looked back. While I was on tour, they never tried to contact me and I to them. I was offered admission to juilliard thanks to my service and I took that chance and rolled with it. The rest, I’m sure Phasma or the internet has briefed you on.”

Kylo exhaled for what seemed to him to be such a long time. The burden he had been pretending didn't exist felt a lighter but his knees still felt strained but atleast they didn’t buckle. 

Rey was still scratching away totally engrossed this hail-mary. She couldn’t believe he opened up to, though this wasn’t everything, it was sure as hell a lot more than she had when she started. Part of her rejoiced, this article might actually be going somewhere, another part of her, a traitorous part, sympathized him. While she had took the coward’s way out, he was brave enough to follow his heart and as cheesy as it sounded, he was probably better off. Having familial support was nice but feeling your love for life slowly slip away day by day was an agony worse than hell. There were days she felt so sick with herself and her work that she’d lay in bed all day staring at the ceiling, phone in hand, resignation email open, mouse on the send button, but something would stop her. Her mother would call, finn would come back from work with her favorite takeout, BB-8 would jump into bed with her; life’s little pleasure prodded her back into complacency. While, she couldn’t say he was her friend, they were kindred spirits. Lost souls swerving through the fight between passion and peace. 

Kylo let out a cough, hoping to stir the reporter out of her little bubble, “I believe it’s my turn now, yes?”

She finally looked up, pen still moving, brown eyes meeting his black ones. Nodding, Rey made a small sound of affirmation as she finished her last thought in her book. 

“Tell me, It’s clear you're in a devoted love affair with creative writing. Why are you a journalist?”

Rey eyes went wide, that was unexpected. Like Kylo, Rey hadn’t thought about her ‘parents’ for quite some time. She was abandoned as a child by her real family. They left her with a family friend, Unkar Plutt and his wife, Matilda. Apparently they knew her parents vaguely but were payed a good amount to raise her, until she finished college. The Plutts weren’t really concerned for her, when she was young. They shuffled her into a small room with little furniture or items to call her own. Plutt made her work in his car garage for basically minimum wage. It make her well versed with machinery but she was more concerned with her schoolwork to really pursue anything. Matilda, who had a slight soft spot for little Rey, encouraged her to work hard and dug herself out of the dump they called home. It was thanks to her than Rey applied herself and pursued a B.A in english. Had it not been for Unkar screaming at her for six hours about family and respect and money, she would have gone on to write novels, plays, all the things she consumed as a little girl with a flashlight in the dark. Plutt was practical and he tore her dreams asunder. Three years later, Rey agrees with him, the change was probably for the best. 

“I, well. Like you, I had, let’s say realistic parents. But unlike you, I didn’t fight back,” her voice cracked mid-sentence. “When Unkar, I mean my foster dad, said ‘jump!’ I said, ‘how high?’ yeah, I know pathetic.” 

“No. It’s not…” Kylo replied, sincerity in his words. For him, another part of the ethereal mist surrounding her lifted as he saw her humanity and how much more meaningful it was compared to him. Kylo had made selfish decisions that lead to his current numb life, but Rey, well, she had chosen to spite her own desire in the pursuit of something that suited everyone. Well, almost, everyone. Though, Kylo could have sworn their day had begun a few hours ago, wide ribbons of dying orange light bathed the city streets in long shadows and half lit reflections. This strangely alluring light had the opposite effect on Rey, whose eyes, for the first moment since they’d met, were unguarded and currently displayed regret, the kind that Kylo had found in his own on the rare occasion he actually looked at his own image in the mirror.    
“What’s the matter?”    
She looked up from the sidewalk and met his eyes, noticing his genuine concern.   
“You used up your turn already.”    
She turned around and put her earbuds back in. The dying light seemed to follow her, and he wanted to as well. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, Kylo got a serious case of the FEELS. And we finally get the full story on both of their lives, well almost full.   
> Now I know I promise this chapter back in the end of march, but school and drama happened. So there was a delay, but its here now. I hope you guys like it^^


	6. Saving it for a Rainy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard, getting Kylo to crack a smile, even harder. Or so Rey thought. But a storm threatens to turn everything on its head. While Rey confronts her and Kylo's demons, Finn's day is about to be made. Its not everyday that Poe Dameron asks you to dinner. Now if only he could figure out what to wear...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes its been *checks date* more than a year since I updated. Welp, I wanna apologize, College really threw my writing off the rails. But I can promise you that WT will get finished within the next few months <3 Hope y'all enjoy this chapter
> 
> feel free to come bother me @ https://saltynightmares.tumblr.com/

Writer’s block, like that egotistical cousin your mother forced you to invite to your birthday parties, it was now resting in between Rey’s ears, rattling her cages, getting in the way of her stunted progress. That blank word document had started a staring contest with her about two hours ago and, so far, was kicking her ass as her fingers ghosted over the keys of her laptop, unsure of where or when to begin.

Rain splattered  on the main living room window, reminding her of the pin-drop silence state that she had been left in. Today wasn’t an “official” work day for Kylo Ren, although he departed early in the morning for some reason or another. ‘It was, clearly, above her pay grade’, she snorted inwardly. Tilting her head, Rey tried–no–struggled to force herself to start writing. Thinking back to her notes, she realized she has no more real material than what Kylo’s wiki page had. Could she just spin his exceptional work history and successful, albeit brief, modelling career? Yes, she didn’t get here by luck; that said, her brand of writing wasn’t suited for just regurgitating the same boring material. She wanted to capture more than just Kylo Ren, the actor; she needed to expose, Ben, the man.

With a deep sigh, she let her head fall back and hit the top of the sofa cushion. Ignoring the warm device on her thighs, Rey flipped out her phone and opened her calendar, meticulously filled out with the next six months of events as Ren’s ‘shadow’, courtesy of Pahsma. Tomorrow, they would be shadowing that journalism professor. The irony of shadowing Ren while he shadow someone else was not lost on her. As far as jokes go, it was mildly amusing. But the identity of their shadowee remained a mystery, also courtesy of Phasma. Rey was discovering, slowly, that Phasma was entirely too fond of surprises. She felt foolish the moment it came up, Rey couldn’t help but entertain the remote chance that they’d somehow be meeting with her old journalism professor, Luke Skywalker. It seemed impossible and almost selfish to entertain the idea of a world that small. But going back to Jakku U couldn’t be the worst thing they could be doing.

Casting both her phone and laptop to the side, Rey proceeded to rise from her seat and pace the room, restlessly. This lasts for about five minutes, before she sinks back into the sofa, returning to her earlier dilemma of that dreaded empty white screen.

It was in this state that Kylo found his reporter upon his arrival, an hour later. Softly closing the door behind him, Kylo swore he saw her head drooping to the side. He cleared his throat loudly, “Working hard, I see.”

As Rey moved her strained eyes over to him, Kylo finished his quip, putting a wet finger on his chin, “ or rather hardly working?”

Rey rolled her eyes as she stretched her stiff neck, turning to give him a cold look, which proceeded to slowly slide off her face and lie on the ground. Kylo was soaked from head to toe, thick black strands clinging to his neck as he wiped water droplets off his face with a kitchen towel. As he shrugged off his raincoat, Rey couldn’t help herself but stare at the already tight drenched white shirt, amplifying every crevice and curve on his body through a thin chaste veil. His eyes met hers and out came that trademark smirk, “Any progress, Lois Lane?”

Hurriedly returning her prying gaze to her laptop screen, Rey responded snappily, “As much as Sisyphus has.”

Kylo let out a snort, resembling a laugh, “Let me guess, so much material that you just can’t decide what to leave out, “ as he went into his room to change.

“Oh yes, the plethora of information about you is overwhelming. I’m practically drowning in your life,” she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

“From a certain perspective, that is an accurate statement,” came forth his reply.

Another long sigh, Rey snapped her laptop shut and pushed it aside, “ You know what, screw it; I’m not spending my day battling writer's block.”

Kylo exited his room in dry clothes. Rey tried to refrain from looking at him, but her eyes would not be leashed and trailed up his barefeet to his almost-dry silky locks, hopefully her disappointment was hidden. However, from the way he sat in the arm chair, positioning his body in such a way that his muscles naturally flexed, it was evident Kylo had a hint of her succumbing to eye candy. “So what are you going to do, then?” he postulated an innocent question.

Rey looked up at him, her eyes and thoughts blank for once; what should they do? _Wait they. when did they pop up?_ “Well, back at home, when it rained, I sometimes convinced my folks to play a few rounds of Monopoly, ” she stammered out, akin to flustered.

He raised one eyebrow, then shifted to lean forward so his hands were within reaching distance of her, “I do have deck of cards?”

“Perfect! Have you ever played egyptian war?

“No, but I assume you’ll teach me.”

The rain seemed to reach a considerate lull as the pair played a few, quick, tentative games. At first, Rey was, of course, winning by a rather embarrassingly large margin. Though as the games progressed, Kylo picked it up and Rey found herself being outplayed.

“You know if I didn’t know any better, one would say you are actually having fun there?”

“Hmmm, perhaps you don’t know me that well after all, even men made of stone can have fun”

“Could’ve fooled me” she snorted, playfully.

They were sitting on the floor, preferring it to the cold marble coffee table. Rey had her back supported by the wall that separated their rooms from the rest of the apartment. Kylo sat in a similar cross-legged position a foot in front of her. The rain outside had lulled for a while but a slight pater could still be heard from the floor-to-ceiling windows.

“Hmm, from what I see someone is just hurt that and I quote ‘a noob is kicking her ass’”, a grin was plastered on Kylo’s face.

“You wish, jackass,” Rey retorted, throwing her last card at the man across from her. Although this statement was said with less venom and something that bordered on endearment.

Kylo caught the thrown card swiftly, “Tell you what, why don’t we make the game interesting?”

“Now you’re speaking my language, I say we have a prize for winning.”

“And what do you suggest?” He replied, twirling her losing card around in his hands.

“The winner gets to order the loser around?” she said with a shrug. It was something her friends liked to do with they were bored playing games

After a moment of consideration, he shrugged and smirked “sure, shuffle the deck.”

It was a rather heated battle; had it been played in a more public setting, it might have attracted a small crowd.

“You’re cheating,” Rey whined as her hand grew ever so smaller.

“Oh,” he smirked, his agility with the cards overtaking the game, “and how’s that?”

Rey simply grunted in response, her eyes peeled for the ever rare sandwich to give her the edge. Alas, the chance came and was taken by her opponent. In a matter of minutes, her chances of winning slipped into ever consuming abyss.

“So, It would appear that I’ve won.”

Rey crossed her arms as Kylo, triumphantly gathered the rest of the deck from the center pile, shuffled them tauntingly.

“Another game?” ventured Rey, not really enjoying the prospect of Kylo bossing her around.

“I suppose you mean double or nothing?” He took one look at her sheepish expression and shook his head, “No, no. I’m not letting you get out of it.”

She sighed, uncrossed her arms and then promptly crossed them again, feeling surprisingly vulnerable in front of him. An idea struck her, “Alright fine, the ordering condition stays but this next game, the winner can ask the loser anything and the loser will have to reply and reply truthfully.” She added, “for the rest of the day, just like the other one.”

On side of his mouth twitched upward as he finished shuffling the deck, “You're clever.”

As the deck was dealt, Rey couldn’t help but return the smirk, “so, I’ve been told.”

Similar to before, it was a close game, the change being this time Rey had the upperhand as her half of her deck seemed to contain a dearth of royal cards, allowing her to easily overtake Kylo and win the game.

It was Kylo’s turn to pout.

“So my question-” Rey begins, only to have Kylo’s hand shush her.

“I order you to not speak.”

“That’s no-” Kylo silences her again.

“As per our agreement, you are to follow my orders and I order you to be quiet.”

Rey get up, glaring daggers the whole way to her laptop and begins to furiously type. Meanwhile, Kylo remains sitting on the ground, sporting a curious expression, one that tread the line between amusement and annoyance. She complied but still found a way to rebel against his request. Very curious.

Finally the typing ceased and Rey thrust her laptop into Kylo’s lap. The formerly, blank document sported the following words; ‘I was promised one question. I intend to get it. So answer the fucking question: Who is Ben?’

Kylo licked the front of his teeth as his brow quivered, considering his options. How did she find out about Ben? He had spent so much time, energy and money erasing him from this world. Killing him thorough and thorough. Ben was dead. That much, she must have put together by now. He was a foolish, ignorant boy with a weak heart and ultimately, a prison of a life. Kylo set himself free and destroyed this boy. He destroyed Ben Solo.

In the end, he shoved the offending device into Rey’s arms and pushed past her. Before she can chaste him, Kylo has locked himself in his room. He doesn’t leave it for the next thirty minutes.

Rey looks on at the closed door in utter confusion and slight anger, surrounded by the discarded cards and her cursor still blinking on her question. Who is Ben? Whoever he was, Kylo certainly didn’t like him. It was apparent to Rey that this was what she needed to write about. The Ben before Kylo. Who was he? What made him who he is now? What killed Ben? Or she supposed in this case, who.

She should have mourned the loss of whatever tentative rapport she had built up with the actor, for the next morning he sure to be as cold to her as he was the day they met. But Rey wasn’t going to be put off that easily. Relationships were always made up again, molded, discarded and replaced. They had another four months together, surely, if Rey could get him to open up before, she’d be able to do it again.

Just as she finished the thought, his door swung open. Her mouth opens but what happens next promptly shuts her right up.

“What in the–” was all that managed to leave her mouth, when Kylo stride over to her and pressed his lips against hers. Rey stepped back, pushing him away, venom lacing her voice. “-fuck are you-” He closed the distance and stopped inches from her mouth, a familiar chill crawling up his spine.

Rey’s gaze remained unaffected, strong and impenetrable, searching his eyes for anything and everything. Kylo Ren just tried to kiss her and while, she’d chalk it up to the heat of the moment, Rey enjoyed it for the small moment that it was. Was he still mad over her question? This was coming out of nowhere, did he seriously think– “Ben.”

His eyes snapped up to hers, the lusty glaze drained, momentarily. “Don’t,” came the dangerously low hiss, “Don’t call me that.”

“Kylo,” She tried again, curiosity piqued but not enough to risk his anger. “Kylo?” It was a question because at this point she didn’t recognize the man before her. The man, who gaze froze over crowds, was now setting her ablaze.

Her lips parted slowly, her body inched forwarded on its own accord, attracted to a spark that Rey hadn’t noticed was there before. Kylo was objectively attractive, but this - him so close to her, teasing her with just a taste. It wasn’t fair. She evaluated him again, eyes trailing up and down his face searching for his usual walls, usual hardness. But there wasn’t any. No walls, no guards. He bore himself naked to her and it was almost unsettling how much her face reflected his brown eyes.

This entire time, Kylo says nothing. Not even in his mind does Kylo dare let a thought stray. He knows the minute either of them say something, the spell will break and he’d let her slip through his hands. He sees shock flash across her face and it dawns on him that she genuinely had no idea what she did to him. What her words did to him. His own sick perversion aside, Kylo wouldn’t force himself on her. He waits for her reaction, ready to lock himself back in his room, if need be.

He doesn’t wait for long, Rey closes the space between them with a rough kiss of her own. Admittedly, she hadn’t kissed anyone in quite some time. The movement was sloppy as her arms pushed him back against a wall, pressing her body flush against his. If she was to give into the spark, what was the use of avoiding the fire?

At Rey’s roughness, Kylo moans deeply into their kiss, letting her pin him to the wall. His body already too excited to near hers, he barely stopped himself from rutting into her. Naturally, his hands went to the base of her back, helping her melt into his frame.

Rey feels his hips jerk in place slightly and tries a move she used to do with her ex. One leg came up and tried to wrap around his waist. She ran her tongue along the underside of his lip, hoping he got the idea.

And he did. Kylo’s hands traveled further down and he heaved her up, until both her legs were wrapped around his waist and the heat from her crotch against him, drew a set of shuddering gasps from him. Kylo stumbles a little, trying to keep her up against him. Eventually, he walks over to the couch and sits down, so she can sit on his lap comfortably.

Were she not to preoccupied with his tongue in her mouth, Rey’d notice how hard Kylo was becoming while she squeezed herself around him, like a boa and her prey. No, she hardly noticed that they were sitting down. It was sensory overload. The sounds he made were driving her crazy, high, almost squeaky moans to low rumbles to maddening growls. She wanted to hear them all. The best part was that she was one to draw them out of him. But something was still barring from enjoying herself completely– “What are we doing?”

“I believe you called it, Egyptian War.” He pulls her further into his lap, grip on her hips tight but gentle enough that she could pull away if she wished. She didn’t.

“This wasn’t the answer I was expecting.” Kylo breaks away to chuckle into her neck. The sensation affected her a little more than it ought to have.

“Don’t think I haven’t been paying attention,” He breathes in for a short moment before planting a series of quick kisses up the length of her neck, “to your expectations”

“I hate you.” It comes out as moan but he only growls into her neck, trailing back down sucking at her flesh, pulling away for just a moment to spy the small red ovals he made, whispering quietly to himself, “I know.”

Before he can assault her neck again, Rey grabs a hold of his chin and pulls him into another kiss, her lips ravanging his. Pouring out her frustrations, her anger, her loneliness into the rough movements, fingers finding their way into his locks. When she tugged roughly to allow her lips to reach his easier, Kylo moaned, “Again.” In response, Rey removed her hand, focusing her attention on trying to bite his lower lip. She is unsuccessful when Kylo pull away, just enough so the pair could breathe but neither could truly face the consequences of what was occurring. “I remember-” The words were growled out in between ragged breaths, “-you having to follow my orders.” His lips inched closer to hers, as she mewled at the lack of contact. “Understand?”

Oh, she understood perfectly. It was in her nature to deny Kylo out of spite and yet, here she was, writhing in his lap, whining for his touch. Her fingers returned to his now tangled hair, roughly pulling on the strands, holding onto them for dear life, watching for his reaction.

She was rewarded with a series of low growls and the return of his lips on hers. Kylo attacked her mouth with renewed vigor. Her spite tasted so fresh, so pure, like it was the first drink of water he’d had in weeks. He’d be a damned liar if he denied how much she affected him. How much her words pierced him or how much time he spent examining the small way her eyes scanned people, reading them like headlines in the paper or how her lips curled on the edges when she laughed or how her smile seemed to stir something dangerous inside him. He was infatuated with his shadow and the realization would kill him. But that was for later, when the moment wore off and the pleasure sated his itch. An itch, that's how he consoled himself, they were scratching a mutual itch. This wasn’t anything new. Most of his professional relationships included a moment or two of ‘scratching’. And yet, when her teeth bite into his lip, tugging the flesh towards her, letting it snap back with a satisfying smack, Kylo could sense this itch would be causing them both problems in the future. The future was the future and currently, his hands were unoccupied.

“Kylo-” Rey moaned, drawing him out of his thoughts and back into the way her thighs gripped his.

“Time to fix that”, he growled, hands popping the set of buttons at the base of her blouse.

~

Across the city, Finn’s night was just beginning.

“Okay, Bebe-” Turning around, holding two different shirts of a similar hue, Finn gave the dog in question a serious look, “Rey’s not here, so I need your help. You know Poe better than me, so bark once for this-” He raised the light blue shirt. “Bark twice for this one.” He raised the a darker light blue shirt.

BB-8 remained curled up in his bed, head tentatively raised. When he realized that Finn didn’t have a treat in his hand, he returned to lounging. At this point, Finn turns back to the mirror and tests each shirt, sighing in desperation. This was his first date in a very, very long time. So long in fact, it’d be embarrassing for him to say the number of years out loud. Not to mention, it was a date with Poe Dameron of all people. The man was a legend – no, an Adonis. Finn needed to be on his a-game to even look like he was worth being by his side tonight.

“You know, you’re no help, Bebe,” Finn carried on and decided on the darker of the two shirts, tossing the other one in the vicinity of the dog. BB-8 carried on ignoring Finn’s antics, almost looking smug at his distress.

Finn continued talking aloud to BB-8, realizing just how much he missed Rey. She had her quiet moments, but his Peanut always knew how to ease his nerves, how to make pick his chin up and face his insecurities. As he finished buttoning up the shirt, Finn remembered the oven was still on. The tie he’d chosen falls to the floor as he runs to the kitchen and secures the nearly burnt tray of cookies. The smell of said cookies roused BB-8 and the corgi bounded over to Finn’s feet.

“Oh so now you want to talk,” Finn rolls his eyes at the corgi but reaches over to a jar of treats and throws one for him to catch. Of course he does, even Poe’s dog was talented. “Well, these aren’t for you, you -  spoiled little pooch.” _They’re for your daddy_. The phrase sounded utterly wrong in his head. Though if he was going to be honest with himself, and the answer is no, he certainly wasn’t, Finn wouldn’t mind calling Poe, daddy. But those kind of thoughts could wait until after he was done getting ready.

As the cookies cooled, Finn returned to his dressing, his spirits no better off than before. He had to do something and something quick or he might not even leave the house. He grabbed his cell and called the only person he could think of right now.

The bell rang for an uncomfortably long time, before a slightly flushed voice answered, “Finn?”

Just hearing her voice brought a long sigh of relief from him, “Hey peanut, did I wake you up?”

“No?” He could hear the sound of shuffling from the other line and a distant, _move over._ “No, you didn’t. I was awake, uh -  trying to work.” Rey clears her throat and wipes a stray line of spit from the corner of her mouth, ignoring the way Kylo glared at her phone. “You okay? Did BB run out again?” The last time Finn had called her had been during an emergency, so it was only natural that worst case scenarios played through her mind as she unconsciously scooted away from the man to her right, his hand still gripping her knee.

“No, no - god no. The little shit is safe and sound. I, uh, just really missed you-” It hit him that he hadn’t texted her about his date with Poe. Surely, Rey wouldn't get mad. It was an innocent night out. Nothing for her to mother over.

“Finn, are you seriously okay? You sound nervous? What happened? I promise I won’t freak out.” At least not over the phone, though if it was something that shook Finn then it was certainly worth her driving over there and admonishing him in person.

Okay Finn, he reassured himself, just tell her now and rip off that bandage. Rey'll find out about it eventually. “I– um, may have a date tonight.”

Now it was her turn to sigh in relief, “Well jesus, Finn that’s a good–”

“With Poe!” Although he doesn’t mean to, the last part of his confession is yelled, loud enough to even startle BB-8. “I’m going on a date with Poe.” This time he says it calmly and confidently. “Look, before you start, I’m going to be fine Rey. I know what you told me and I - just don’t care. He is really nice to me and we’ve been out before - twice now and I just really–” He lets out a small breath. “I really like him, Rey. I really, really do. Even if his dog is kinda shitty.”

Rey inhales sharply. This was not at all what she had expected. Though, in retrospect, Rey should have known. Finn was an adult and capable of making his own decisions and judgements. Despite her constant mothering, Rey couldn’t protect him from everything. Besides, Poe seemed genuinely interested in Finn. He even texted her earlier in the week about his favorite food spots. Maybe, Dameron was serious and things would actually work out. And, she supposed, even if they didn’t, she’d be there for Finn regardless. As she pictured Finn and Poe out together, Rey couldn’t help but look over to Kylo. His eyes hadn’t met hers since her phone rang, the hand on her knee slipped away as he leaned his head back against the head of the couch. The fire had lulled but the heat encircled them both, like the room had been converted into a sauna. Her clothes felt much more restrictive than before. Rey shakes away those thoughts and smiles softly into the receiver. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Finn was honestly shocked at how calm she sounded. He’d expected a long lecture with a list of reasons why he was a bad idea and yet- “So, you’re ok with this?”

“Yes,” She straightened her back and spoke with confidence. “You know I love you, Finn and I can’t always be around to protect you, so...So, yes, I’m happy for you. You have my blessing.”

Though he didn’t dare lock eyes with her, Kylo was fully aware of each movement she made, observing the change in her demeanour immediately. It was like a switch had been flipped and her face grew soft with each moment she remained on the phone. It was clear the person on the other line was dear to her, dear enough she’d stop their _activities_ to answer their call. Was he jealous? As she broke into a heavenly smile, he cursed the recipient immediately. Why yes, he most definitely jealous. _I love you_ , once those words leave her mouth, Kylo feels himself crack. He shouldn’t feel such sudden, uncalled for, pain but he does. And the moments drag on, it becomes clear that this is sign. This is wrong. It’d been from the beginning. She was taken, clearly. He’d given into his own lust and pushed it on her. _Unprofessional, vile, sickening_ \-  maybe he really did deserve her hate.

Kylo withdrew from the room quietly, making she was too engrossed in her conservation to notice his absence, stopping only to pick up his discarded shirt. This time he locks his door behind him and doesn’t dare come out until the morning.

“Rey, Thank you-” Finn sported a smile of his own, overjoyed that she finally understood what he’d been trying to explain to her for weeks. “I love you, too. You know I do, Peanut. Listen, he’s coming in a little bit, but I-”

“You’re nervous?”

“Bingo.”

“Finny, love, don’t even sweat it. Just show up naked and dazzle him with that bode.” Rey giggled into the phone at her own joke.

“Har-Har” He laughs anyway, this is exactly what he needed. “But seriously, Rey, what if-”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you there but it sounds like to me that you haven’t looked in a mirror recently.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been doing for hours now and BB-8 is no help.”

Her snort permeates into Kylo’s room. He drowns her out with music.

“Listen, Finn, I’m telling you, Poe doesn’t just date anyone. If he asked out on a proper date, it means he really likes you - not your clothes -  not your whatever, he likes you for you, okay? So, stop overthinking this and go be you. Have fun, that’s what dates are for!” Not that she’d honestly know, dating had never been a thing she did. Rey could hear the doorbell through the receiver, “Showtime! Listen, Finn, text me all the details!”

Finn mumbles something akin to a response, before scrambling around to answer the door, hanging up on her in the process.

Letting the phone fall onto the couch, Rey turned around to face Kylo. The realization reaches her rather late; he left the room while she was talking. But perhaps that was for the best. What the hell was she thinking - Making out with her subject? Christ, if Finn hadn’t called, they’d be doing something much worse. She had to have crossed a line. Even if she enjoyed herself, Rey threw herself at him. Clearly, he was the lucid one to leave before they did something irreparable.

Rey shook her head, silently vowing to draw the line in the morning. This couldn’t happen again. Kylo had to be in agreement. Despite it all, her lips tingled in eagerness every time she passed by his door. Before, she barged into his room and tried to finish what they started, Rey shrugged back on her shirt and headed for her own room. Her laptop still sat on the coffee table. The screen remained on sporting her burning question, followed by the addition of a new line of text reading, ‘Ben Solo is dead.’


	7. Nostaglia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return to Jakku University where the shadowee becomes the shadower and the shadower becomes the...shadower of the shadower. Who exactly is Kylo shadowing? And where does last night leave our duo? Will their lack of trust be the end of this work partnership or can they salvage it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead and neither is this fic! haha yeah, so I don't have any valid excuses for why its so late but let's collectively blame my laptop and shitty luck, yeah? 
> 
> Thank you for those that left comments and pushed me to finally finish this chapter! I love you guys <3

It continued to rain the morning after and the frigid silence that spanned the void between them continued as well. Kylo refused to speak to her, even on the uncomfortably long elevator to meet Phasma. This should have bothered Rey, accustomed to a moderate amount of quips and insults from the man, but she understood. She understood very well. He was hiding, just like he was last night, using the game and their kiss to run away from her questions. Run away from Ben. Ben. It always came back to Ben. This whole story revolved who he was and what happened to him. And it was only a matter of time before Rey figured it all out. 

 

Something even stranger, he opened the car door for her. Rey paused and looked up at him in utter shock. His eyes didn’t meet hers but a gentle hand shoved her into the car. Somehow, through that thick layer of coats and clothes, the gesture burned her like she’d grazed a hot pan. 

 

“Good morning.”

 

There was a scoff from Kylo and a small smile from Rey. Phasma’s enthusiasm was not easily swayed. “It’ll be a quick hour ride to Jakku University. I’m assuming you’re both jumping with excitement to learn the details of this week’s activities.”

 

Another scoff from the actor in question, “Oh, do tell us, Phaz” 

 

Her grin grew ever wider as her eyes twinkled in mischief, “Well, perhaps I’ll let the surprise simmer a little longer.” She took in a deep breath, her eyes on the scenery. 

 

After a while, she turned back to Rey, another warm smile aimed her way. Phasma liked her as much as one could without being rather unprofessional. Though the notion has hardly restrained her before. Armitage was a testament to that. But Rey was different. She was intriguing in ways she, herself, had hardly contemplated. There was a fire, a passion that resonated with Phasma but she remained in control of herself and her situation. It was entirely admirable. “What’s it like?” 

 

Rey, whose attentions were solely on the ever changing city landscape and not on the fact that her knee was almost touching Kylo’s and he had yet to shift away, pulled out an ear bud. “What-”

 

“Being a shadow? Following our dear Kylo Ren, I’m sure it’s been interesting.” 

 

“Interesting is one word.” She could feel his gaze shift onto her, thick and suffocating. Rey was not about to give him the privilege of showing how he was affecting her, “Honestly, it's been...fun?” Fun. Really Rey, there are over two million adjectives in the english language and you just described hanging out with Kylo “I Hate Everyone” Ren as Fun. She just could see his eyebrow raise without turning to check. So much for that… “I’ve shadowed people before and it's always better than sitting around in my office, but...working with Kylo has been…” 

 

“You don’t have to measure your words for my benefit, Rey.” That’s what the damned article was for. It wasn’t like her to tread lightly around him, especially with her words. One of her few redeeming qualities was her inability to control her opinion. Why Rey was deciding to censor herself now was almost infuriating for Kylo. He definitely crossed too many lines last night. Now it might cost them their work and that was something he couldn’t stand for. “Tell her how you really feel…” 

 

Now she had to look at him. Her brow furrowed and lips pursed, wondering what in the fuck happened to him. Here she was trying to throw Phasma off the scent and keep her mistakes from affecting the job. Kylo just had to come throw a wrench into her plans. Though, if either of them were going to be honest, that wasn’t uncharacteristic of him. And at this point, not even for Rey. Like last night, his eyes were lucid as if he wanted her to know exactly what was passing his mind. In the moment, she could see curiosity, sadness and...something else that had to be a mistake on his part or she supposed on her part. “How I really feel…” 

 

“Alright, but don’t forget that you asked for it–” Before the emotion in his eyes could spurr something more out of her, Rey decided to reset the whole thing. “It’s been shitty. Absolute hell. You know before I took this job, two different co-workers urged me to reconsider. Now, I know why. Good ol’ Ren is just such a lovely personality; yelling at costars and stage crew, complete and utter apathy toward his “friends, not to mention the fucking mood swings. I know you hired me to make him look good but frankly this might be one of the hardest things I’ve ever written to date.” Once her little speech is done, Rey turns back to look out the window, not sure what made her madder, how unconvincing she sounded or little Kylo seemed to care about what she said.

 

The silence in the car becomes deafening. Phasma tilts her head and smiles sadly, eyes flickering between them both. But, in the end, she says nothing and gestures to the outside. “The rain seems to be letting up.” 

 

Kylo swallowed thickly, presumably the remains of his pride. It was not as if he hadn’t heard something similar before. Though the First Order’s PR department worked diligently to scrub his image clean, stories of his ‘behavior’ were circulated in most circles of the industry. Nor was the way in which she had described him disturbing or profound. No, he was affected by the simple fact that she said it in the first place. They’d be together for the past two months and Kylo had, foolishly, assumed that she’d looked past the stories or his ‘rudeness’. Though, had he really given a reason to? No, he hadn’t. 

 

He also turned to look out the window, watching the drops trickle. His voice lost whatever tenderness it held before, but unknown to everyone, possibly even himself, his eyes grew glassy. “It does, doesn’t it?” 

 

Jakku University had been built into the city, its campus nearly indistinguishable from the rest of the city landscape. To Kylo, this was almost repugnantly strange. By the time the car stopped in front of a nondescript building, he couldn’t tell if it was a part of the university or not. 

 

Phasma led them through the building, giving an impromptu tour, sprinkling little tidbits about the university and such. Rey was lost in her own world, reliving her past, a small smile piercing through the awkward silence from before. Kylo, on the other hand, was feeling grim. As if he knew something bad was about to occur but couldn't quite name it. It eased his mind a little to see Rey happy with the arrangement.

 

_ Hoot Mon  _ by _ Bob Hope _ seemed to playing on loop. Skywalker was notorious for blasting it on end when he was writing. The entire department complained about the noise and the Chair ended up putting sound proof foam on the walls in an attempt to muffle it. It worked, slightly. As the trio walked down the familiar hallway, Rey could make out the distinct melody and, as embarrassing as it was, started to lightly hum along. After four years of practically living in the office, one develops a pavlovian response to damned thing.

 

“Dr. Jade has been recently promoted to the head of the department,” explained Phasma as they finally reached his office. 

 

Rey opened her mouth to ask about the “Dr. Jade” but walking back into Luke office caught her off guard. It was as if she’d walked in for the first time, freshmen year. Cluttered, yet almost completely bare, how he managed to keep it that way was beyond her comprehension. Books littered the shelves that lined the walls, making the already tiny corner room feel cramped. In the centre of the glorified broom closet was a large, white bird cage, home to a blue and gold macaw and belgium canary, named R-Too and 3-Po. Only Luke could be the strangest names for pets.

 

Rey clicked her tongue and brought her finger up to the cage, calling the birds over. The Macaw hobbled over, chirping loudly in greeting. The Canary stared at the finger but no move to react to her. Seemed they remembered her and nothing at really changed. 

 

“Dr. Jade should be meeting with us shortly,” Phasma said as she gestured to the three folding chairs in from the only real piece of furniture in the room. Kylo pulled out the chair for Rey, only for her to raise a brow and look away, causing Phasma to pause once more and stare at both of them carefully. “Very shortly.” 

The office door opened once more and a deep voice sounded, “Welcome all!” A older looking man emerged, a freshly groomed beard . 

 

Luke went straight to his desk, giving them all a wide smile. He, first, reached over to give Phasma his hand. “Luke Skywalker Jade, pleasure to meet you.” 

 

“Thank for your time” was her response as she took her seat.

 

Rey remained sitting, beaming at her old professor. It was so strange to see him after all this time. The man had managed to age so quickly the short time she had left school. “Dr. Skywalker.” She nodded in greeting. 

 

The man laughed and winked at her. “Nice to see you too, Missy. Were you ever gonna see this old coot without the excuse of work?” 

 

She rolled her eyes in response. 

 

The Luke turned to the last person in the room, the one he had been avoiding until the very last minute. While his stomach sank at the sight, there was no turning back on. He had worked so hard to set up this meeting, there was no time to regret it. 

 

“Our actor extraordinaire, Mr. Ren,” Luke stuck out a steady hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

 

Kylo had been silent since Luke entered the room. No one could place the emotions that ran through his mind, perhaps not even himself. There had to be some twisted god with a sick sense of poetic irony tugging the strings of his life. Kylo was sure he’d never had to see the day. The day he was face to face with the man that almost ruined his family, his uncle, the home-wrecker, the skywalker whore. 

 

Suffice to say, Kylo was not shaking the outstretched hand, in fact he didn’t even spare it glanced. His nostrils flared as he weighed his options. Finally, he nodded curtly and took his seat, ready for this meeting to be over. He needed to have a word with Phasma after this. There was no way in hell, he was shadowing this man. 

 

If Luke felt any shook at seeing his nephew, he did not show it. His smile remained plastered on and continued cheerfully, crooning at the birds to be quiet. “Right, well, now that introductions are out of the way-” He gestured back to Phasma, taking his own seat, gaze fixed in her direction, though his eyes would flicker briefly to Kylo ever now and again. 

 

“Of course,” Phasma smiled her usual knowing grin, after a moment of concern pointed to Kylo, who simply looked away from her. “Well Dr. Jade, Mr. Ren is here about the project we discussed over the phone-”

 

At some point, both Rey and Kylo had tuned out Phasma’s voice. Though, they each had their reasons. Rey couldn’t help but fall into a nostalgic reverie, the past illuminated by Luke’s presence, the environment further immersing in a world she’d almost forgotten: 

 

“ _ Why are you here, Rey?”  _

 

_ “I told you. I needed you to look over my paper.”  _

 

_ “No. why are you here?”  _

 

_ “I don’t understand.”  _

 

_ “You’re in college, studying journalism even though, you changed your major last minute. Why? Don’t think I didn’t notice you last fall. You looked happy as an english major. What happened?”  _

 

_ “Obligation. Surely you understand.”  _

 

_ “Of course, I understand. Then surely, you understand why I want different for you.” The silence between the two was palpable. Luke was the one to break again, “It’s one thing to fulfill a duty for your family and it's another to fulfill the duty to yourself. It’s up to you, Rey, to decide which is more important.”  _

 

Rey shuffled her papers and turned her gaze to the window, snowflakes gently tapped the glass, leaving an icy chill racing up her back. The words meant just as much as they did back then as they did now. What he said as she left the room the most. “Whatever you decide, remember it’s you that’ll live with it’s consequences.” 

 

After that day, neither brought the conversation or the implications it left behind. Luke’s past, though practically nonexistent, was something of a fixation of the department, lengthy rumors of a fortune, name tied to royalty and even three sets of families across the globe spread from one end of the hall to another. Each seemed more outlandish than the other. Rey never payed them mind before, but looking back something of deep regret haunted that man. Perhaps, no one but him would know the truth, but Rey liked to think she saw a glimpse of the real him that day., a broken man with too much on his mind and unbearable burden on his heart. 

 

The meeting ended quickly, at least for Rey. Before she knew it, She was shaking Luke’s hand and being lead out of the building. The rest of the day was a blur of administrative buildings, car rides and occasional conversations with familiar faces. It really surprised her how much a warm reception, as well as reputation, she received. It seemed the school was really going to milk her small sense of “fame”. Typical and yet, almost flattering. 

 

Kylo, similarly, seemed to be lost in the past. 15 years, that’s how long since that coward had showed his face. The words lay fresh in his head, burned into his memory, stewing in the pit of his heart. They were unforgivable. He was unforgivable. What happened after he said those damn words was unforgivable. 

 

Every second they remained in that stuffy office, forced to look at the face of the man who single-handedly ruined his mother’s life, Kylo was growing ever closer to the prospect of murder. Phasma wouldn’t bat an eye and that reporter would have her fucking article. 

 

As he imagined his hands closing tightly around the old man’s throat, there was a pause in the chatter, eyes all turned to him. He returns from his thoughts with a disaffied scowl pointed in no particular direction but the slight narrowing of Luke’s eyes signaled his acknowledgment. Phasma cleared her throat and reiterated her question, “This is agreeable to you, Kylo?” 

 

It’s enough to break his gaze. The steel is lost from his eyes as he nods to Phasma, hoping this conversation was nearing its end. 

 

And it was. 

 

The day passed and neither found a moment to speak. Although, Kylo wasn’t up for conversation. Rey, on the other hand, had so many questions. His intense displeasure with seeing Luke didn’t go unnoticed. She could see the recognition in his eyes and she just had to know. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miscommunication or rather the lack of any, do you guys like that trope as much as I do? Well expect more of it hehe


	8. The Fault in our Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day spent with Luke leaves both reporter and actor feeling a torrent of emotions - emotions that send tensions between them rising again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the title is a pun. Also, there's implied sexual content this chapter, very implied.

Like in the morning, the car seemed to be the only place either of them could find the words or time, for that matter, to speak to one another. And, as per usual, it was Rey who spoke up first.

 

“Today was...interesting,” It was an attempt. An attempt to reach out after how rude she’d been on the car ride there.

 

Kylo flickered his eyes to hers for a moment, perhaps considering to attempt, himself. In the end, he returns to looking out of the car wistfully, almost looking as miserable as she did a few hours ago.

 

“You’re still mad about this morning, right?” She tried again. She didn’t know why but she did.

 

In a way, he was. The rage from earlier today was still pumping through his veins. How dare he. How dare that man even pretend in front of him. If they’d been alone in that meeting, there was no saying what he would have done. No, there was. Kylo’d have reached over and wrapped both his hands around Luke Skywalker’s neck. Then he’d watch the slimy bastard waste his breath on the inherent goodness in all and how ‘this wasn’t him’ and how forgiveness is what she would want. As if he ever cared about what _she_ wanted. No, his mother and his aunt were the least of his concerns.

 

Suddenly, a thought pries loose. “You know that man well, don’t you?”

 

Rey turned her body to examine his expression, finding it unreadable as usual but answered him nonetheless, “He is–was my mentor. I learned everything about writing from him…” _and more._

 

He nodded but didn’t look at her, grip on the steering wheeling tightening and then relaxing as the car sped down the highway.

 

That was enough to pique her curiosity. The voice in her head sniffing a story in the making, despite her heart screaming at her to drop it. “Do you know him? I noticed the looks and awkward silence during the meeting. That was weird, even for you.”

 

“ _Yes._ ” He growled out immediately. The car lurched to a stop, the light ahead of them had suddenly turned red. “He is–was my uncle.”

 

Kylo finally turned to look at her properly, even in that moment, the cogs of her mind were turning. In this lighting, he looked alien to her. A face she’d never seen in any of the pictures or moments she’d been beside him. This was different, this wasn’t the mask. He’d ripped it right off. His nostrils flared at the word ‘uncle’, barely able to stand the noise of it like he’d been offered spoiled meat. One hand fell off the wheel to clutch at something around his neck, it was too dark for her to make out. But his eyes–his eyes normally betrayed nothing, endless oceans of black, guarding treasure troves of secrets–now, they were ablaze with the flames of hell, sending shivers up and down her spine, his irises reflecting the red of the stoplight right back into her. So alive. He was starting to scare her. “But-”

 

“He hasn’t changed. He’s going a good job of pretending, hiding behind her last name. As if that could make up for the hell he’s raised.”

 

“I don’t understand.” She couldn’t, he thought. How could she? That man was a proper mentor to her, how on earth could she see him for who he truly is. Words burned in the back of hi throat begging to be released, screaming even. Scalding truths and ruinous insults. No. She couldn’t know. She didn’t need to know. She wouldn’t want to.

 

The light turned green and he floored it, wanting nothing more than to be far away from that wretched man as possible, in distance and name.

 

“Kylo-” Rey tried again. The urge to touch him rose from the pits of her gut. Much to her surprise and Kylo’s, that is exactly what she does, softly placing her hand on his shoulder, a call to the light - to the present. “Kylo, what’s wrong? What happened?”

 

The car stopped once more. This time in the middle of the road, the few cars behind them honked irritably, but Kylo’s foot remained firmly on the brake. He laid his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. He made no move to remove her hand, relishing in the familiar warmth. Familiar, yet entirely foreign, his mother’s hand felt like this. As much as he’d grown attached to her, Rey was only looking for her story, he reminded himself. The more he let out, the more she’d use for her damned article. “You don’t need to know. It’s nothing. I’ll speak to Hux about finding another professor to shadow. We’re not coming back tomorrow.” Not ever, he decided.

 

“Kylo, you can’t do weird shit and then just expect me to drop it.” Her protest fell on deaf ears, the rest of the ride was uncomfortable silence, aside from the last few tries to pry something out of Kylo. Rey felt the were back to square one, probably three more spaces before that.

 

“Kylo-” She called after him as he took off out of the elevator. Their conversation wasn’t over and Rey wasn’t going to let him cut himself off again. “Kylo!”

 

He shrugged past her and her attempts to stop him. He needed to be rid of this day and all the memories it raised. His heart was racing, blood boiling in his veins if he opened his mouth only anger would escape.

 

By the time Rey caught up to him and made into the apartment, his bedroom door slammed shut. Not that she was going to let that stop her, she needed to finish this.

 

His lights were off, so after he closed the door behind him, Kylo stumbled over a pile of clothes on the floor. Normally, he’d come home and clean but all he wanted to do was make a bigger mess.

 

Rey heard glass breaking and banged on his door harder. “What the fuck is going in there?”

 

“Go away!” There was another loud bang.

 

“Did you just throw something? You’re acting like a fucking child, Ren!” She banged on his door, not willing to let his rage consume him.

 

Banging on both sides continues for several minutes, Rey clawing at the doorknob and Kylo breaking the first fragile thing entering sight lineline. The number of breakable things reaches zero and the noise from the other side of the door goes quiet. Rey can hear her own heartbeat, revving like a car engine struggling to make it up that hill, and taste bile in her mouth, fingernails making decent impressions into the dark wood. The thought of stopping and collecting herself pops up but she ignores it and continues, calling out to him again. “Kylo, please. open the door.”

 

She sounds so pathetic, defeated, through the thin door separating them, that Kylo almost relents, hand reaching for the doorknob. Instead, he slinks to the floor, facing the door - facing her. “I can’t.”

 

“Why?” Rey manages to laugh, “Still afraid to trust me?”

 

“You won’t understand.” He bites back bitterly.

 

“Oh really?” She whispers when he doesn’t reply. “Try me.”

 

Silence is her only answer. Rey decides to try something else, sighing heavily. “My full name is Rey Plutt.”

 

That was the last thing he expected to hear from her mouth.

 

“I know. I know, it's ugly. it's not exactly what I would’ve wanted but it's what _they_ saddled me with. I liked to think my real last name was much prettier, something with more letters and softer consonants.”

 

Ren sat up a little straighter and pressed his ear to the door, so her voice came clearer. This was important, he could feel it.

 

“Family. It was all I could think about when I was younger.” She paused to exhale deeply, hands unconsciously reaching from the insides of her wrists. “My parents–my first ones–my real ones the nuns liked to say–life wasn’t perfect with them. Things were hard, but they almost always are. I guess it was too hard for them. One day, I think I was four–maybe five–It was so long ago. They woke me up really early, not even the street lights were on. I was so excited, I got wear a brand new outfit and a new toy, a pilot’s helmet, I think...I lost it, awhile back. Anyway, they took me to this old looking building and promised me a day full of fun and games and toys and I was so sold on the idea. I wish I knew how to read back then. I might have been less stupid.”

 

She started scratching at her wrists, slowly, building momentum as she continued down memory lane. “They promised me, they’d be back. ‘It’ll only feel like a long time, Rey. We’ll be back home before you know it.’” The words might have been burned into her back, a special prayer she whispered into the paper thin walls of the orphanage.

 

“They broke their promise. On purpose. On accident. I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it.” She paused again, realizing she’d stopped breathing when the words did. The scratches continued at a now painful rate, not enough to draw blood, but enough to raw her skin.

 

“It does.” Kylo blurted. His words shocked both of them. But he couldn’t let her. “It does, Rey. What they did or didn’t do to you and why, it matters so much.”

 

“Not anymore. Not to me. At some point we have to stop justifying our mistakes by burying them under intentions. At the end of the day, they abandoned me, left me to rot alone and...I don’t know if I can ever forgive them for that, no matter what their reasoning. They’re my parents, my family–they were supposed be my side no matter what–not…” Her words trail off but the scratching stops and her vision become blurry as she blinked back a familiar set of tears.

 

That was it. Rey leaned back to find the door wasn’t there and almost fell backwards. She looked up to see Kylo standing in the doorway, his face also wet with tears, his dress scrambled like the thoughts in her head.

 

In a minute, she was up on her feet, facing him with an almost unreadable expression. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, what you’ve seen but I know how you feel. You don’t have to believe me but I do.”

 

He did believe her. A part of him wanted to spill everything and lay himself out bare, the past spread out like a party platter. Another utterly frightened part felt threatened, holding onto those thoughts with a blood draining grip. After what Luke did, Kylo could never trust another person with his emotions...until now. The usual warning signals flashed in his brain – _she’s just getting material for her article, she doesn’t care about you, how could she?_ – but the way her lip trembled and the pink of her eyes screamed louder than the defenses he’d built.

 

This was real. _She was real._ For once in his life, someone had forgone all the pretence of life and stripped away the madness of ritual. The raw concern present in her features told him everything he needed to know. This was too important to shrug away.

 

Kylo opened his mouth, that action alone took scores of energy from him. But before a sound escapes, Rey’s arms were around him, as if he was her only harbor in the midst of a hurricane. How flipped could the truth be?

 

His arms wrap around her in turn, how could they not? The warmth she radiated was the only thing holding him together in that moment. “I’m sorry-”   
  
“Stop, please.” she pleaded, inhaling deeply. The last thing she wanted from him was pity. Which seemed unfair considering she was the one to hug him but somehow she saw her own pain in his eyes and it was unbearable to just stand there. It was all she could think to do to push it all away. Maybe it was selfishness, that seemed a more palatable reason for the prolonged contact than the truth of the matter.

 

A long moment passes where neither spoke, neither moved. Their respective palaces of pain seemed to converge forcing them to confront their emotions, leaving them scorched and lost, the only sure thing being the presence of each other in that cold, dark, empty home.  

 

Eventually, Kylo let go and took a step back, eyes never leaving hers. Then he takes another and another, further into his room, almost tripping over a stray piece of glass.

 

It was the first time Rey’d been in his room. Naturally, she followed his feet, stepping through the doorway, as if being strung along some convoluted plot point. Debris littered the floor, bits of glass and ripped paper, an ocean of ruined pieces of the past. She sailed along, doing her best to not step on anything, contribute to its scattered state.

 

“So this is how you deal with your problems?” It meant to be a joke but her laugh was just as weak.

 

It worked for an instant, Kylo’s lips tugged upward for a moment. But the moment passes and he finds himself crumbling under his own weight, sinking down onto the bed, staring anywhere besides her.

 

Rey is quick to follow, sitting down next to him, hands reaching for the insides of her wrists again. “I know it's hard and I’m not exactly the right person to say it to but...you need to let it out Kylo, or it's going to eat you alive.” There was unwavering certainty in her voice, fingers slowly returning to their nervous routine.  

 

Kylo says nothing, he can’t. He desperately wants to, wants to reassure her that she was exactly the person he needed and how badly he wishes he was the same for her. But he knew the thin line they were dancing on and he knew how bad this could all end if they crossed it. Instead, “I’ve told you. More than anyone.”

 

Told her what? Told her how much he hated her guts, her presence in his life, his work, his apartment, how much he wished for her to be gone. Now she’d ripped down all her walls and he couldn’t come down from his tower for little old her. A foreign rage bubbled in the pit of her stomach, a kind she attributed to the man before her. She shook it off, anger would take them nowhere. “I understand, but it’s not all there, is it?”

 

He made no reply and continued to stare off.

 

“Tell me-” she begged softly, breaking the chain of scratching herself to hold his hands in her lap, gently rubbing circles on the insides of his palms. “Please, tell me, Kylo.”

 

God, she was breaking him, tearing him down piece by piece with the sweet sadness in her voice. His resolve was crumbling and Kylo wasn’t sure he even wanted to try to save it.

 

There’s another long moment of sharp silence punctuated by the sound of his heartbeat racing, the motions of her hand doing more to entrance him than calm him down. He gulps down a bundle of confusing emotions and kicks through the last of his safeguards. He was ready to stop running.

 

“My name.”

 

It's quiet, like a whisper from another room. Rey almost doesn’t catch it. “What-”

 

“My name is Ben Solo.”

 

The realization hits her like a car on the highway. Ben Solo. Solo.

 

He couldn’t be–  

 

Rey stays quiet and grips his hands a little tighter, encouraging him silently.

 

“My father-” The next part tastes like bile in his mouth. “-was Han Solo.”

 

Rey struggled to school her expression. He had to be talking about a different Solo. Her mind went to all the times, Han had helped and supported her. It seemed like a strange twist of fate, sitting next to his long-lost son. The whole job was started to get complicated, a knot wringing itself out in her conscious.

 

Her inner turmoil is unnoticed by Kylo who continues to speak, eyes focused on something, somewhere faraway. “He wasn’t perfect when I was younger. No father is, I understood that even back then but…” He has to stop and reorient himself.

 

“My uncle, as you know, is your beloved mentor. Luke Skywalker, before he changed his name in a vain attempt to change the past. He, of all, people should understand how permanent the wounds are.”

 

The past was permanent. It wasn’t a novel observation but Rey felt her back shiver at the words.

 

“My mother-” He felt even sicker to bring her into this but it was all for her. Always for her. “She loved them. My father, especially. Did they bicker? Of course. Did they need space? What couple doesn’t but - he - that man hurt her more than you can imagine, Rey.”

 

“It was a week. She was gone for a week, something about work. So we could eat at the end of the day and what does _he_ do?”

 

“He and that selfish, lying, fucking bastard…” He doesn’t finish. He almost doesn’t need to.

 

“All week, while my mother was gone. They betrayed her trust, her love, every night, every day.”

 

“I caught them on the last day… in the living room. I went for my uncle first, broke his nose.” His fist clenched and unclenched in her grip.

 

“My father tried to pull me off, saving his lover, of course. I turned my rage around on him. I slapped him first, hard.” He could still hear its echo. “But it wasn’t enough. I needed to see him struggle. I needed to hear him scream in pain. I picked a body part and just kept attacking. All I could see was red and all I could think about was her, what this would do to her. How broken she’d be, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand them, betraying the woman who loved them and the woman they were supposed to love in return. Luke kept trying to pull me off but I was stronger than the whore. At one point, I was sure he’d stopped breathing…” How badly he wished he had. Kylo stops speaking, to catch his fleeing breath and to look into the curious girl’s eyes, how bright they seemed against the black wallpaper.

 

That’s what she came home to. Her son covered in his father’s blood and her brother covered in his sin. It was the worst day of her life. Leia lost everything. Kylo was too consumed in his rage at the time to see the truth. This pain was betrayal enough for a lifetime.

 

“Once everything was said and done, I left. I couldn’t stand living under the same roof as that monster…” or with his mother’s sad eyes. “The rest, you know.”

 

Rey had no words. Nothing she could offer to bridge the gap of silence that stretched between them. Instead, she brought his hands up to her lips, the gesture enough to pull him back to the present.

 

Kylo wanted to say a weight had been lifted off his chest but bringing up the past brought no relief, no consolation for him. The call to find his father and finish the job had been rekindled, even if part of him understood that was no longer possible. Han Solo was famous for disappearing and disappeared he was. Not even his flame knew where he was hiding.

 

Before Kylo could find the courage to rise from the bed and continue his rampage, a light touch brings him back down. He’d almost forgotten Rey was there. Almost. The warmth from her, just like he’d imagined, soft lips spread from his fingertips down his forearm into his shoulder and straight up into his cheeks, an almost imperceivable of pink tinting the pair. “I-I–Thank you.”

 

“Thank you-” She corrected, offering him a small smile, “-for trusting me.”

 

He takes a moment to weigh her words and measure the truth in her eyes. There was no pity like he expected. Nor was there glee or excitement, even though she had to know how perfect this was all working out for her and her work. It takes a moment but he slowly returns the smile, keenly aware of how vulnerable they were being. Neither had up a mask and it had never felt so good.

 

There’s a push. Maybe call was a more appropriate word for it. But it was there, nonetheless, their emotions teetering on the edge of a cliff, from which there was no return.

 

Something about the way his smile was finally reaching the corners of his eyes or how her hands still held onto his tenderly as if one wrong move would crush them. The urge to protect each other from the world bubbled up from the surface, not to say it was unexpected but that it was much stronger than either could give credit to. It was terrifying but neither moved back.

 

In fact, Rey leaned forward. The tables flipped as she now measured him and the strange new bubble they found themselves in.

 

Kylo’s lips parted of their own volition, picking up on her message before he did. Closing the gap was of little consequence, this wasn’t the first time they’d locked lips, but somehow it meant more tonight. Much more.

 

Neither left the room that night nor each other’s embrace. The darkness, both of the night around them and the one shared between them, was enough to push the concerns of the waking world away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, folks, they done fucked. Granted after a particularly vulnerable and intimate moment, but it was still a good ol' fucking. Wonder how that's gonna play out? There are only two more "planned" chapters, but we'll see. I'm starting college next week, which means I'll disappear off the face of the earth to study in my basement like the anti-social, junk food addicted goblin I am. 
> 
> also, let me know if y'all want the porn in a separate thing, cuz I have it mostly written just thought it's better to leave out for this fic.


	9. Picking up the Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is regret, there is also realization, realizations that could change everything for Rey and Ben. Rey is on the precipice of completing her article. Can she go against her heart and write about Ben's past or will this story be her last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All! Its been almost a year since I've first posted this fic and we are *this* to being done! I've been super spotty with updates and I gotta say, going back and reading chapter one makes me cringe but I want to stop and take a moment to thank everyone who's left a comment or a kudo or reblogged my stuff on tmblr. I see you and appreciate you and I want you to know that I think of you when I write. So, thank you all <3 and I hope you continue to support one another in this new year!

The sparsely populated document hounded her with its stark, depthless expanse. Like a bottomless pit ready to engulf her at a moment’s notice. Not even the familiar scent of vanilla bean and old books nestled between dusty shelves could comfort her, no matter how many hours she wasted in the corner coffee shop. 

 

Rey shook her head and gave the wandering barista a soft smile, her last coffee lay cold on the table beside her. It wasn't as if the words weren’t there, at the back of her throat, in the numerous bones of her wrist. No, she knew what needed to be said, to be written, but her fingers wouldn’t move, her tongue remained paralyzed, as if her body and mind were warring, tearing each other apart over something she’d never had trouble with before. 

 

She’d convinced herself that her hesitation to finish writing the article had nothing to do with the events that occurred a few nights ago. But the moment her fingers left the keyboard, her thoughts slithered back to that night, the raw emotions they shared, the passionate touches. It was wrong. She knew that. Yet, she didn’t regret a single bit of it. 

 

Maybe that was also a lie. She might have been alright with what occurred. But Kylo was not. That she did regret. After everything, all they’ve been through together, Rey couldn’t stand hurting the man. For all his misanthropic front and cold turkey glares, he was a deeply emotional and caring person. Like her, he carried a boulder of burdens of the past on his back. To add to that seemed criminal. 

 

Perhaps that was the root of it all. Hurting him. That’s what the article was going to do. Cut through the facade and bare all his secrets to the world. Juicy familial disputes, say what you will, they did sell issues. 

 

Another long pause, the cursor blinked endlessly, taunting her. Rey couldn’t take it. This was going to drive her mad. It was time to take a proper break. 

 

It took more than one ring to reach Finn, which surprised her. Normally, he dropped everything to pick up her call, it was their thing; family first. Though now he had someone other than her to spend his time with; it almost made her sad but she saw the way he face lit up when he talked about Poe and his happiness meant more to her than anything in the world. 

 

“Rey?” 

 

“Hey there, best bud! Don’t tell me you forgot me already?” 

 

It took a moment for him to rub the sleep out of his eyes and look properly at his phone. Finn shook his head once - twice more and broke out into a smile, “Never!” 

 

“Good,” Now she was smiling too. It was always too easy to forget work when he was around. “And Good morning, don’t tell me you stayed up all night?” 

 

Finn’s eyes flickered over to the clock and he let out a long groan. “Possibly? Or perhaps, I slept like 15 hours? Just maybe? But also what you said, you know, that too.” 

 

“Finn? Are you serious?” The concern was palpable through the screen of his phone and Finn shrunk into the pillows, pointing the camera to the ceiling. 

 

“D-did you and Poe? You know-” She made a gesture but Finn still had the screen pointed away. 

 

The implication got through. “Oh god, Rey! No! I mean…. Not last night anyway… Look I was just extra tired last night.” 

 

“Mmhm.” 

 

“Seriously, we didn’t. Do anything.” 

 

“Yeah, last night. I got you.” She was teasing but she could tell it was starting to become a little sore for him, “Hey, I miss you.” 

 

“I miss you too.” The camera slowly turns back to him, as he lay on his side, slowly getting used to the brightness of the screen. “The apartment feels empty without your monologues.” 

 

That got a small giggle out of her as she remembered all the hours she spent ranting to Finn about work. Why he put up with her bullshit, she couldn’t tell. “I know, this whole shadowing thing was weird from the get-go. I’m ready to come home…” 

 

Finn opened his mouth to express his excitement but the way Rey averted her gaze and bit her lip, told him something was wrong. “I’m ready – I’ve been ready to have you home, but Rey...are you alright?” 

 

Her silence spoke volumes. Finn tried again, gently prodding her to spill. “You know I’m always here for you - no matter what.” 

 

“No matter what.” She returned their promise in a quieter voice than usual, overcome with emotion for a moment. She could only smile sadly. A wisp of a thought fluttered past her head, something she wasn’t proud but something she could never deny - even to him. That door had been closed to her for a long time now and the idea of it being permanently shut to her seemed impossible until just that moment. Her heart dislodged a shard of something unnameable, the loss palpable on her face, but the relief was present as well, in perhaps a greater amount than the sadness.  

 

On Finn’s end, he saw his best friend - no, his sister at war with herself, bits and pieces tugging at each other, bend up, down and around the heart of the matter. He couldn’t stand it. “Rey...please tell me.” 

 

Just as she was letting go of her own strange sense of rejection, Rey is hit with another crumbling blow. ‘Kylo...tell me, please.’ 

 

Is that what I sounded like? Was his heart aching like mine is now? These questions, unanswerable, and more whizzed on in her mind, cycling through and through. 

 

That was it. She wasn’t alright, even if she was pretending to be. Finn had heard enough. “Okay, tell me where you are, I’m coming to take you home.” 

 

His statement pulled her out her reverie. “Home?” 

 

“Yes, home.” Finn sprung up from his bed, throwing his phone down. Rey was back to looking up at his ceiling. As he scrambled to find his pants from the mess on his floor, Finn continued talking. “You’re not okay and I don’t wanna hear excuses. I’m coming to pick you up. Where you at peanut?” 

 

He could hear a long sigh from the other line before she told the name of the coffee shop. 

  
  


If anyone asked, Rey would deny it but being home was exactly what she needed. She forgot how it felt, the broken blinds, dusty, stained carpet, rickety furniture; all reminding her of what was important, family. Not to say that her time with Ben – she couldn’t stop herself from latching onto his real name – was bad. Well, maybe it was, for the first while. On the whole, it wasn’t horrible. But this. Home. It was something hard to replicate. Something about the way it smelled, the way the air tasted, the way the street sounded so close; it was her little blanket protecting her from the monsters underneath her bed and the ones screaming on TV. 

 

It had been a few days since Finn picked her up from the shop. It rained, of course, the whole while she waited for him, seemingly disappear the moment he got there. Rey expected her heart to hurt again when she saw him but instead the soundtrack seemed to swell until he wrapped his arms around her. A part of her knew that they both needed that. 

 

Things have only gone well after that. They fell into a small routine. They awoke around the same time; ate breakfast; Finn went to work and she sat in front of her laptop, still trying to figure out what to do. By the time she thought she’d made a decision, Finn would come home and they spend the rest of the evening doing what they normally did.

 

It was during such an evening that Rey’s phone rung for the first time in the past week and it wasn’t the number she expected. The name Kylo flashed in red, begging her to answer. Rey looked between her phone, Finn and the tv, as if the decision was hard to make. Maybe it was. 

 

In the end, she put it on mute and set it aside. 

  
  


On the other side of town, Kylo apartment remained comically abandoned, remnants of a meal were discarded on the large - for a single man’s apartment - dining table. Two places were set but only one actually sported food, half eaten and rotten. Only flies dined here. 

Shards of woods and bits of glass littered the floor, an empty place in the living room were once sat a modern coffee table. 

 

His bedroom was in far worse shape, clothes mingled with bunched up sheets on the normally pristine carpet, the mattress stood on its side, a monument to event’s prior. 

 

Among the destruction and unnatural chaos, a one, Kylo Ren or as Rey would insist, Ben Solo, couldn’t be found. Instead of lurking in the sanctuary of his home, our Actor found himself on a rather familiar couch, cradling a bottle of something usually too sour for his palette. 

 

“Good, you’re finally awake.” A deep voice purged the mist of sleep from his mind, ringing in the hollows of his ears. 

 

Kylo turned his body, trying to locate the source of the noise, barely able to remember where he was last night, much less where he could be now. 

 

The voice continued, utterly clueless or perhaps uncaring of his state, “thankfully you didn’t soil yourself this time.” 

 

“Hux?” A sense of recognition dawned on him. “Where am I?” 

 

“I recall you dubbing it, ‘Hell’.” There was a strange noise that one could assume was a laugh coming out of the ginger haired man. 

 

Kylo found that less than funny and made a move to move into a sitting position. The bottle of, what he later learned to be, vodka rolled out of his arms and onto the floor. Thankfully, it was empty to begin with. 

 

Ignoring the wrinkles on Hux’s face, Kylo probed, “And how in hell, did I end up here?” 

 

Whatever utterance of anger he had planned dissipated to concern, “Do you seriously not remember?” 

 

He shakes his head to which Hux replies with a soft sigh, “You came over here, half drunk and begged me to drink with you.” 

 

Hux waited for some bit of recognition in his friend’s eyes, when none comes, he continued. “You were upset about something but you wouldn’t talk about it. Which was fine by me.” 

 

It wasn’t but the dear general wouldn’t dare admit that. In truth he was worried about Kylo, even now, “Ringing any bells, Knight?” 

 

The nickname made him growl but Kylo couldn’t for the life of him remember leaving his apartment – Then it hits him. He wasn’t the one to leave...it was her. 

 

Seeing a change on Kylo’s face, Hux rolled his eyes and bent to pick up the bottle, “You gonna explain yourself?” 

 

“Where’s my phone?” He cut off.

 

Hux simply narrowed his eyes and continued to discard the bottles and bits of mess. 

 

“Hux!” 

 

“Don’t raise your voice in my home.” He warned, coming back into the room, leaning against the wall nearest the sofa. “It’s in the kitchen, charging. I took it away when you started calling that girl again and ag–” 

 

“Girl?” 

 

Hux shrugged as if the answer was obvious. “The reporter. Keep up here, Ren.” 

 

Bile rose into his mouth as he scrambled for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. 

 

“Don’t you dare puke on my floor, Kylo! I’ll kill you!” Hux threatened through the door. 

 

“So…” Hux probed, continuing to talk through the door. He’d be lying if he wasn’t incredibly curious. The last Kylo had been over in such a state, he’d just been dumped. “Did you two bone?” 

 

The sound of stale upchucking stopped and Hux could hear the tap turn on. 

 

“You know, Phasma was quite sure you two would.” They even had a side bet going. Hux had, of course, argued Ren was too professional for a slip of passion. Though, the present seemed to indicate the opposite. 

 

After a long moment, the bathroom door opened and Kylo stood on the other side, the lower half of his face rubbed raw and dripping wet. He seemed less than likely to speak. 

 

Hux’s mouth opened but he was cut off once more. “Don’t.” 

 

“Armitage, I swear to god, if you say one more word, I’ll kill you for real this time.” His eyes narrowed dangerously at the shorter man. 

 

The General raised both hands and took a step to the side. His reaction was the only answer he needed. Phasma will be pleased with herself. 

 

“So,” Finn broached as they continued their marathon of Law and Order, “We gonna talk about your last job or just continue pretending nothing happened back there.” 

 

Rey said nothing, simply filled her mouth with more ice cream. 

 

“Because I know  _ something _ happened, didn’t it, Rey?” 

 

Her face twitched for a moment, “No, nothing happened - just some creative differences which, viola are solved by this wonderful thing called space and - of course, your company.” 

 

While all of this was said with seriousness, Finn burst out laughing. Not only did she just confirm that  _ something did indeed happen  _ but it most certainly had to do with a fight with her and her latest article subject. It made complete sense, seeing as Poe’d been begging her to turn in something - anything about the actor:  _ “I swear to god, Finn, if our girl doesn’t turn in something resembling an article, Leia’s gonna cut off my dick and then what’ll we do, huh?”  _   
  
Remembering that mess, only made him laugh harder. He wiped the corner of his eyes and took the tub of ice cream from Rey’s hand. Sticking a spoonful in his mouth, Finn tried again], “Okay then, just know I’m here for when you want to talk about this  _ nothing _ .” 

 

The signature opening sound of 500 monks walking across a wooden floor broke the small quiet they’d been surrounded in. 

 

_ Why couldn’t she just tell him? About Kylo - Ben and – She had to, didn’t she? Some best friend she was. Finn stood by her through thick and thin, and she couldn’t even trust him with something like this.  _

 

Rey grabbed the tv remote and lowered the volume, turning her body to look right at him. “We fucked.” 

 

“You-WHAT!” 

 

“Yep...now you see why I was quiet.” 

 

“Rey, that’s like the worst thing you could have done, I mean I thought you had like punched that fuck or something but jesus - didn’t you hate him like two weeks ago?” 

 

She shrugged sheepishly, “I got to know him and I was wrong - er, mistaken about him, he’s not a bad guy, Finn.” 

 

The longer he held the bridge of his nose, the more shame Rey felt. 

 

“Okay, that I can understand...I mean I’m dating your boss after all but...why did it take so long for you to tell me?” His eyes scanned her face looking for answers she wasn’t ready to give. 

 

“I-I” She had no answer for him. Even if he gave her years, she wouldn’t have an answer for him. Maybe there was no answer. Maybe she was just a shitty friend, so absorbed in her own matters that she never considered those around her. “I don’t know...I wasn’t ready, I guess?” 

 

Olivia Benson continued to banter with Stabler on screen, while Rey and Finn sat there in silence. Guilt and hunger gnawed at her stomach as she kept looking over to Finn waiting for a proper response. Instead of that, he turned his head to the tv and watched Law and Order, mulling over her confession for a short while, making no indication of disapproval or even opening his mouth. 

 

The episode was reaching its climax, the murderer’s identity discovered but his whereabouts unknown. It was during this lull before the storm that Finn finally spoke. “Okay.” 

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yeah,” It was accompanied by a soft sigh and turn of the head. The dim, fluorescent light from the Tv light up the side of his face, creating an innocent shadow along his features, reminding Rey of their college years. They picked up the habit of binge watching early on, neither one let it go or perhaps even wanted to. Finn continued, giving her his full attention, “This whole... _ thing _ hasn’t been easy on you or...well anyone, Poe sure as hell loves to complain about it but, I think I get it.” 

 

She almost couldn’t believe it. After the way this talk begin, Rey was sure there’d be a long lecture but this was...different. Though, this was Finn she was talking about. If he couldn’t understand her, who could?

 

“You were working really closely with this guy and got stuck in your work like you always do. That must have been it, you know. And I get the whole hiding it from your bestest friend in the world thing too.” even if it really hurt, he added mentally. 

 

“I do, I mean, I-I” Finn paused for a moment and chose his next words carefully. “When I started seeing Poe, I really considered just not telling you about it. I mean when it happened and you called, that was the plan but...I guess it felt wrong not having you know.” 

 

All she could do was nod. Hearing him say he was dating Poe, as much as she knew it to be a fact confirmed by herself and other several times at this point, it pricked her deep down in that lingering part of her heart, that childish part that still held onto to its silly child dreams. 

 

Like before, she shoved it down and nodded again, mulling over his words for a moment. 

 

“I love you. You know that, right?” 

 

“Of course, I do. We’re family, peanut.” Once, he said her nickname, Rey felt a wave of relief, wrapping her arms around him, squeezing tightly. Family, of course. She was stupid to forget that in the first place. To make up for it, she held him close for a long while, idly talking about one thing or another, until the article was the furthest thing from her mind. 


End file.
